Reflections on my second first year of motherhood

Hadassah Grace, my precious daughter, turned 1 this month. I just honestly can't even believe how quickly time goes by with these children. Watching her transform from a helpless adorable infant to a beautiful, adorable, passionate girl who can walk and talk has been such a privilege, even if it feels like it happened way too fast!
These are some of the lessons I have learned in this second first year of motherhood:
Cherish the moments. Even the hard ones. They go by so quickly!
On that same note, you don't remember details the way you think you will...so savoring in the present is really your best option (vs thinking you can reflect on things later).
You cannot hold your child too much!
There are very few things that bring joy to your heart the same way that your child's smile or laugh or those first few precious words will.
Siblings are amazing. Seriously, the best thing we ever did for either of these little ones was have 2 of them. Watching them interact and love on each other (and yes, there are a few little spats as well) is so amazing and I feel my heart melt into a puddle on a pretty regular basis!
Okay, enough about me. On to my beautiful daughter!
She is definitely talking now. Words we have identified are daddy, no, yeah, where'd she go?, there she is!, Buh (Ben/brother), uh oh, bath, this. But I am pretty sure there are others. Her little voice is so sweet-and so high compared to Ben's!
She's a walking champ....and many times prefers it to being carried. Which I know is part of the process, but definitely a bittersweet one for me!
She loves the swings at the playground...a little less sure about the slides.
She is coming out of her stranger anxiety bubble more and more each week, but is still very leery of letting people who aren't mommy and daddy hold her. I'm sure this will change and be a thing of the past pretty soon.
She is starting to sleep on her own at night for at least a few hours at the beginning of her night. I kind of miss the snuggles, but I know it's important for her to do that, and it is nice to have a brief interval where it is just Josh and myself.
Words I would use to describe her: beautiful, joyful, happy, passionate, determined, sweet, busy, adventurous, lovely, loving. She is, as Josh put it, "such an amazing 1 year old!"
She has started to pitch some fits sometimes and now she and Ben have more squabbles over things (mostly whose a particular item is or at least who gets to play with it!) so I know that challenges lie ahead. But you know what? Parenthood is not entirely defined by the challenges, and they are so very worth it for the privilege of having these little ones in your life.
I have decided I absolutely love the first year of motherhood. There are definitely physical challenges involved, don't get me wrong! But babies are amazing. Hadassah Grace, I am so incredibly grateful to have been gifted the privilege of being with you for this first year of your life, and I am so excited to continue to grow with you through toddlerhood and beyond!

Happy 2015 from the Stones!

Sorry, friends...this is the ultimate lazy way to send a Christmas card/family update, but I just didn't have my act together this year!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....
Okay, so that is probably a somewhat hyperbolic way to put it, but this year truly has been filled with deeply and wonderfully joyful moments and also times of deep struggle. As I said to Josh shortly after New Year's, "I really hope 2015 is a little gentler on us."
2014 began with an absolutely wonderful blessing and gift. Hadassah Grace, our beautiful daughter, was born after a very gentle and healing labor in mid-January. As much as I can't believe our sweet girl is almost 1, it also feels very strange to look at photos from 2013 and not see her in them! We got to watch Ben become a sibling (and the sweetest sibling he is, too!) and adjust to life as a family of 4-as worried as I was about having 2 kids so close together, I truly wouldn't change a thing now!
The other major amazing thing that happened in 2014 was that Josh graduated with his Bachelor's degree in English in May after years of blood, sweat, and tears hard work! He graduated cum laude (with honors) due to his awesome GPA in English! It is so great for him to be done, and he really had some great experiences in school with teachers who were very validating of his work and talent (which we all knew he had, but sometimes it's nice to hear it from people who don't "have" to tell you that you are awesome!).
One of the hard things this year is that I developed a recurrence of my foot pain. For any friends who don't know, I developed a foot condition when I was a teenager-which necessitated 7 surgeries between ages 13 and 18. I had another surgery when I was in PT school (7ish years ago) and at first I chalked my increased pain up to pregnancy weight/fluid gain and figured it would go away after delivery. Instead, it worsened, and we eventually discovered that I had a bone spur that had formed in exactly the right spot to shred my peroneus longus tendon (tendon on  the outside of my foot), partly due to wear and tear over time, likely largely due to a work situation I was in for 2 years where I was unable to sit at all during my work day. Unfortunately, by the time we did surgery, enough damage had been done that the prognosis was/is not great. I am almost 8 months out from surgery and my pain levels are uncontrolled and severe. There is one thing left to try which I think we are going to attempt next week-if that doesn't work, I'm not sure what we will do, as I am not okay with taking prescription pain medication as a long(er) term solution-but currently without them I am miserable and struggling to function during the day and lie awake at night waiting for the next time Hadassah wants to nurse. Prayers in this area would be much appreciated-the procedure we are going to attempt will temporarily put me back at immediately-post-op pain levels, but hopefully over the next month to 6 weeks will lead to decreased pain-it should be happening next Wednesday. Josh has really been amazing during this whole time in supporting me as I struggle to deal with daily tasks and a job that is mostly on my feet-he has done tons of driving and taken over pretty much all of the housework, and even runs upstairs to grab diaper changes etc. so I don't have to-I don't think I could do this without him!
The other majorly tough thing this year was that we had to come to the reluctant realization that our current situation (me working, Josh at home with the kids) is most likely a permanent solution.We have both deeply struggled with this realization (and in some ways, we still are)-not because we think the kids are losing out in any way (Josh is an amazing stay at home dad and nurturer!) but because my heart longs so deeply to be with my babies and his heart longs to give me what mine desires. We don't know why this is this way (we have some ideas, but really, does it matter?), but it is requiring a pretty deep level of trust that God will "work all things together for the good of those who love Him." To add to this struggle, we were suggested/encouraged (edited at the lead pastor's request as he states we were not forced to leave-we were encouraged to leave as he felt the church would not be a good fit if we did not change our situation-which I suppose is slightly different than being asked to leave) to leave the church we have called home here for the last 3 years for this reason, so we are looking for a new one-always tough, made more so by the fact that we feel pretty gun-shy about that culture in general at the moment. We have been visiting one that seems promising, so we will see what happens. I really struggle to get out of the house on weekends sometimes (many weeks it is all I can do to scratch and claw my way to the weekend and then I spend the weekend trying to recover enough to do it all over again the next week) so regular attendance is hard, but we are trying to make the effort.
Anyway, as I said at the beginning, we certainly hope that 2015 is a little gentler on us! But we know that whatever happens, we are grateful for our precious family and those we are blessed to call friends! We would love to hear from any of you about how you are doing-belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Hadassah Grace, 11 months

This is for my precious 11-month-old, so you will know what you were like and how you were loved during your 11th month of life. :-)
Hadassah Grace has perfected the art of walking this month. She went from taking a few tentative steps (with lots of tumbles) to walking all over the place (still with some tumbles, but not as many!) and is also now able to squat down and stand back up unassisted and stand without pulling up on anything. It's crazy how she has seemed to transform into a toddler this month-I am sure not related to the walking specifically, but they seem to have happened at the same time!
She is talking a little bit. Words I am certain I have heard include: Daddy, hi, heyyyyy, "where'd she go? Der she is!" (while playing peekaboo), bye (while waving), and yes. She has also become much more expressive this month.
There has been some frustration this month too, as she has many times when she seems to simultaneously want to be down exploring and held, so that is always interesting!
She is eating just about everything now. She seems to especially like meat, pomegranates, grapes, and cheese (we just started cheese a week or so ago).
She got 9 (yes, 9) teeth at the same time last week while we were at Granna and Pawesome's house. 5 top front teeth and 4 molars. Given that she has only gotten 1 at a time up until now, that was impressive (and clearly very uncomfortable, poor baby!). So now she has 12 total. I guess if you're going to get them, go for it all at once!
She loves her brother so much and likes to give him kisses or pat his head while they nurse together. She also likes to give him hugs and holds his hand sometimes. She looks for him if we ask her where Ben is. :-)
She still nurses a lot (and frequently at night)-I am sure she needs it to replace all the calories she is burning by exploring non stop!
She is still our little night owl and often doesn't want to go to bed until we do, which I guess is good since she still doesn't like to sleep unless she is touching people. She is still pretty good about falling asleep wherever though, so that is helpful in terms of her not needing to be in a super quiet/dark environment for sleep to occur.
I cannot believe our sweet girl is this old! We love having her in our family-and yet I view the onward rush of time with a bit of a bittersweet taste in my mouth as I wish things would slow down just a tad so I could enjoy them more deeply! But...onward and upward!

10 Months Old

I have exactly 1 day to get this update done!!
Our precious Hadassah Grace is 10 months old, and she is such a source of joy, love, and entertainment!
New developments of note this month:

• She is walking!! She has been cruising for a while, and taking tentative steps for a while, but she is now officially what I would consider a walker. She still crawls if she is in a hurry, and sometimes she "chickens out" if she realizes she has gotten herself into the middle of a room, but she really has pretty good balance! It is so funny for me to see her tiny little self toddling along-since Ben didn't really walk unaided until he was around 16 months old, this whole 10 month old walking thing is uncharted territory for us!
• She does NOT like to be "by self"-I have been trying to put her down to sleep on her own until we come to bed, and that usually lasts all of 30-45 minutes. Josh was out last night so I tried to experiment by lying next to her while reading. She stayed asleep-opened her eyes a couple of times to see if I was still there (I wasn't touching her). Then I went downstairs to get something and within a few minutes she was up crying. I know she will grow out of this with time, and I am glad she is attached and loves us.
• She has started to be a little bit less anxious about strangers and changes in her environment. She definitely still wants the reassurance of mommy and daddy close by, but she is okay with other people talking to her and (sometimes) holding her.
• She is a little carnivore! Seriously, she eats rather alarming amounts of meat (all foods, but she especially loves meat). She also nurses a lot-gotta keep those rolls! (I really do hope she keeps at least some of them-I love her chunky little legs)
• She is so deeply in love with her big brother, and he returns the affection! The other day I had Hadassah and Daddy had Ben, and Ben kept asking Daddy over and over "Where is Dassah Grace? Where's seester?"
• She still has night owl tendencies. She often acts ready for bed around 8-8:30 (brother is ready to go down at 6:45-7:30 depending on the night) and sometimes she will stay down for the  night-other times she wakes up around 9:30 and wants to play until super late-which doesn't work out all that great for me as I often have work the next day (and even if I don't, her early morning bird brother very rarely lets anyone sleep later than 7)!
• She nurses at least 2-3 times during the night, which is such an incredible improvement over what her brother was doing at this age! I feel ridiculously less zombie-ish with this nursing experience, for which I am truly grateful!
• She has started signing for "all done" and "nurse" as well as waving. 
• Her smile can light up a room and fill our hearts with joy!

The 9th Month

It's official! Hadassah has lived outside of me longer than she did inside. Time continues to fly by, and changes are so swift. It is a wonderful ride, breathtakingly beautiful, yet tinged with sadness as each stage and moment passes so quickly!
She is well and truly cruising! She pushes a push toy all over the house! She is also starting to let go while standing when she is playing with toys. I suspect we will have a walker on our hands very soon! She crawls at astonishingly swift rates anyway, so I am really not sure walking will mean she can get into anything addition anyway!
She eats just about anything she can get her hands on. Josh has started calling her "cabrita"-little goat-because she will literally attempt to eat anything-paper, ladybugs, and dog food to name a few. Thankfully, she doesn't seem to mind too much when we swoop in and take things out of her hand and/or mouth. Ben helps us out by saying things like "seester! No eat paper!"
She does also enjoy foods of various types. She seems especially enthusiastic about grapes, broccoli, and carrots. She chews food up and then spits it out versus swallowing it, but hey-it keeps her busy and she is learning!
She gives kisses to a few people. She kisses Josh on the nose, me on the chin, and Ben on the cheek. Her kisses are like nursing except she doesn't latch on, and extremely sweet!
Hadassah is madly in love with the men in her life-flirts madly with Daddy and giggles and pats at brother. The two of them often hold hands or pat each other while they nurse-melts mama's heart!
Stranger anxiety has definitely made itself known for our little princess. Unfortunately she includes my family in that category-so only mommy and daddy are "safe zones"-and she crawls after us wailing if she thinks we are leaving, which is very sad. I know it is a normal part of development and she will grow out of this stage soon.
She sleeps so much better than Ben did at this age, which is super helpful! I think she is usually up 4-6 times per night-really not bad given the reverse cycling! She continues to grow and be healthy, so the sleep interruptions are well worth it!
This girl has such an enthusiasm and joy for life! She lives passionately, and we are so deeply in love with her. I am so excited to continue watching her personality develop!

The Eighth Month

Friday marked the close of Hadassah's eighth month of outside-the-womb life. This girl is so amazing, and our family is a much more full of life, love, and joy because she's in it. ;-)

Hadassah...

• Pulls up on anything that is taller than she is. Literally anything. This has caused disaster more than once, and funny experiences a few times as well.
• Can crawl seemingly faster than the speed of light!
• Cruises on furniture and the wall
• Has demonstrated the ability to get up at least 2 steps in our new house (I haven't let her try more than that)
• Is not afraid to crawl off high surfaces (this is unfortunate, but has not resulted in injury yet as a parent has always been there to help her down)
• Idolizes Ben and follows him everywhere he goes-she still thinks he is hilarious!
• Likes food in small doses, especially fruit
• LOVES to nurse, especially when she's tired, hurt, and of course hungry!
• Smiles a lot! Sweet girl also sings.
• Has a single tooth in her mouth which is VERY sharp and also large (ask me how I know! Haha!).
• Unlike Ben at this age, she puts everything in her mouth...which combined with her freedom of mobility is quite interesting!
• She's about 50/50 with pooping on the potty. While I would prefer a higher "catch" rate, I'll take what I can get!
• Sweet girl LOVES to snuggle. We should be getting our finalized furniture setup this week, and at that point we will probably start trying to put her down for bedtime on her own (she has been just sleeping on my tummy until we go to bed, which I LOVE...but makes it hard for me to do work, and I have work that really needs to be done after bedtime now). 
• She is growing up so fast! I realized this week that she is no longer dwarfed by the potty. Part of that is that our potties are smaller in this house, but wow...it feels like she was just born, but we are really closing in on a year now!
• Her hair is long enough now that if we don't put it up in little pigtails or a whale spout it falls in her eyes. It doesn't stick up anymore, which is bittersweet!

I can't believe that when this month ends, she will have been out of my body the same amount of time she was in. Wow. This roller coaster that is life with kids just doesn't slow down. I love it, but wish I could feel like I was savoring more of it!!

Month 7

Can you tell I'm brain dead? At least too much so to think of a clever title...which is kind of okay since the only reason I really even blog anymore is because I want to give Hadassah a book of photos and monthly blog posts through her first year like the one I did for Ben, and the title gets cut out of those anyway!
Hadassah Grace is 7 months old. More this month than ever before, we have gotten to see her personality unfolding. She is the sweetest little squishy bundle of love!
This month she...
...went from not really being mobile to rolling over, and then quickly to crawling properly. Since Ben didn't really crawl OR walk (or really self-locomote much to speak of) until he was over a year old, this has been a new and interesting experience for us!
...started pulling to a stand...and then letting go. Oh boy...I think this girly is going to be walking soon!
...has found her sense of humor! She laughs most at Ben, as she always has (those 2 continue to absolutely love each other and be soooo incredibly sweet together), but Daddy and I can get some good giggles going too!
...has gotten more consistent with EC, or we have gotten better at reading/responding, or something. Which is good because she also...
...has started eating some solids. We are doing something called "baby led weaning" with her (we also did it with Ben)-we haven't given her rice cereal and we aren't buying jars of baby food for her either. Instead, she gets small bits of smooshy foods (avocado, banana, sweet potato) or pre-smooshed bits of less smooshy foods (broccoli, cauliflower). So far, she is having fun but isn't very aggressively interested in foods-it seems to be more of a game we play for fun at this point. Which is fine.
...has developed a more stable sleep schedule. She has started to want to go down for the night when Ben does (around 7:30-8) and wakes (I think) about 3-5 times on an average night. This is SO incredibly better than what Ben did at this age (8-10 times at night or more)-plus, she is a gentle enough nurser that I can sleep while she is latched which has never been the case before! She would wake on her own around 7-8 on most days I think, though sometimes my early morning departure disturbs her earlier than that.
...has continued to refuse mama milk from any source other than mama. Sigh. She is chunky enough for me to not worry about whether she is getting enough, thankfully!
...has continued to show us who she is: strong, determined, charming, smile that can light up the room (literally), loving, playful, adventurous. I look forward to continuing to get to know this little girl as she grows! She is such a precious treasure!