Not what I expected...the birth story of Beniah James

I'm writing this down now because I'm afraid it will be like my wedding day...I thought I would never forget a moment, but then details started slipping away. I haven't processed a lot of this, so don't expect any earthshattering or deep thoughts...this is pretty much historical only. Also, I'm not going to be ridiculously graphic, but I'm also not going to overly censor myself. So if you don't want to read words like "vernix, vagina, or mucous plug" don't proceed any further. It's also long! You have been warned!
So Sunday, June 10th, I noticed a change in my discharge that I thought MIGHT have been my water breaking. We called our doula (who is also a midwife) to ask her what she thought...I didn't want to be the boy who cried wolf and I have no idea what it actually would look or be like to have my water break. Internet searches don't help...you see everything from the "water main burst" that is popular in movies to the barest trickle that may not be detectable. She thought it sounded like that was maybe what was going on, so hopefully labor would start soon. We put the carseat in the car, looked up some Scripture to use during birth, and relaxed around the house for the rest of the day. Nothing happened.
Side note: I am GBS-positive, and apparently pretty heavily colonized. Not a huge deal, except that I was supposed to get 2 doses of IV penicillin during labor-this would prevent me from passing it to the baby. So our birth plan was to labor at home until we guesstimated that I was about 4 hours from delivery and then head to the hospital where I would get the penicillin and then push him out. Our goal was little monitoring, little intervention, and no pain medication.
Anyway, that evening she called us and said that since it had been 12 hours since my water might have broken, we should probably go to L&D triage to be assessed. If they hadn't broken, we could just go home (this is what we all thought would happen). If they had, we could look at our options then-it isn't good to have broken waters for too long with GBS because of the risk for infection. So we headed in.
As per the usual (I've been to L&D with what I thought were contractions several times this pregnancy), the nurse introduced herself, had me change to a hospital gown, and then hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and a contraction monitor. "Hmmm," she said. "Can you flip to the left? Now the right? No, come back toward me." (I've read enough to know that this is not a great sign) Then she hit the red "panic" button and said in a scared voice, "I need help in here NOW!"
Within minutes there were at least 6 people in the room, making me flip, giving the baby a scalp massage through my vagina, pushing on my uterus from the outside, and making me sign consent forms for anesthesia while using words like "emergency crash Caesarean." Apparently, his heart rate had dropped into the 60s (less than half of what it should have been) and stayed there for about 5 minutes. Thankfully, it came back up and settled into what looked like a healthy pattern. In relieved voices, they told me that he looked stable for the moment, but I wasn't going home. They wanted to monitor me for 24 hours. If he didn't do it again, they would assume it was a coincidence or fluke and if he did, we might need to talk emergency C-section or at the very least, a labor induction. We called our doula and had her meet us there. They checked, and didn't think my waters broke, so at least that was ruled out as a potential problem. They checked my cervix, and I was dilated to a 1, 50% effaced, and he was at a -3 station-so pretty much not in labor.
Long story short, he "crashed" like that 3 more times in the next 4 hours, leading to alarms, panic, multiple people flipping, pushing, and shoving on me to get him to "come back", and had all the staff and our doula so convinced that we were going to have to crash section us to save his life that they had started medication preps (going so far as to hang but not start a general anesthetic) and prepared an OR. He recovered each time, but my doula was pretty sure that a crash section was in our future, and started preparing me for a surgical birth. At that point, I didn't care. I wanted him out safely and healthy, and would have done anything to make that happen.
He stabilized for the rest of the night, so they allowed me to start using the bathroom on my own (thank goodness-they had hyperhydrated me with 3.5 liters of IV fluid in the event of needing to do an emergency delivery). I became very uncomfortable around 3 AM, going to the bathroom what felt like every 5 minutes, not being able to find a comfortable position in bed, and having what felt like strong menstrual cramps with nausea. At first, I didn't think anything of this because I have had these symptoms on and off (but often at night) for weeks. I told the nurse, just so she would be up to date, but didn't figure it was anything significant. The contraction monitor wasn't picking up any contractions at all.
Soon I had to wake Josh up and have him apply some counterpressure to my low back. Then I started having to breathe through the cramps. They were still manageable but I really had to concentrate to get through them. They also started coming closer together-in fact, I remember thinking "Aren't I supposed to get a 5-10 minute break between contractions in early labor??" I couldn't have been getting more than 2 minutes in between 1 minute long cramps-at most. Still nothing on the contraction monitor.
Then around 7 AM, the physicians on call came in and started talking to me about induction of labor. With the multiple times Ben had crashed in the night, they just weren't comfortable sending me home. Also, my blood pressure was higher the last few readings (which were done in the middle of what I now know where contractions). I nodded to get them to go away, because I was concentrating on breathing through the now pretty painful and pressure-y cramping, but remember thinking "Why do you have to induce labor? I think I'm in labor!" My doula convinced them to check my cervix. 1.5 cm, 60% effaced, and baby at a -1 station. So not much change, except that he had moved down. Because of this, she convinced them to wait 1 hour and recheck. If I wasn't making progress, we could start talking about Pitocin. They agreed and left. It was probably about 7:45 AM.
Then I started really having intense pains that I couldn't just breathe through. I was moaning. I went to the bathroom (AGAIN!) and just started crying. All I could think was, "I am not even having real contractions yet (still nothing on the monitor) and I don't know if I can do this for 12-24 hours or longer! Was I insane to think I could birth unmedicated?" Josh followed me into the bathroom and I just leaned forward and cried on him. I whispered, "I don't think I can do this!" I felt awful-these were things women were supposed to think and feel in transition (8-10 cm of dilation), not the very beginning of labor-the "gentle part"! What was wrong with me? I have dealt with some pretty intense pain in my life (physically) and I really thought I would handle this better.
I tried kneeling, sitting, standing-nothing was comfortable, everything made more pressure, and I felt like someone was scraping my insides with a fork whose tines were made of razor blades. If anything, I was now having 30-60 seconds between contractions that lasted 90 seconds-and still nothing on the stupid monitor! I went to the bathroom again and couldn't get off the toilet. Suddenly, the contractions started coming on top of each other-literally. One would peak, and as it peaked, the next one started, and it peaked immediately after the peak for the prior one ended, and so on. I started screaming and begging Josh to help me, do something, get someone in there, I can't do this, I want an epidural NOW (remember, I'm still thinking I have a good 12-24 hours to go), please, I'll do anything you ask, I just need help! (I'm really kind of embarrassed about this part) My doula got the nurse and suggested we might want to hang the penicillin because it looked like I was in active labor and going fast. Then they got me on a birthing ball in an attempt to make me more comfortable (after at least 2 people peeled me off the toilet and dragged me back to the room because I could not do it myself). The nurse went to get the penicillin.
I did about 5 contractions on the ball...everyone kept telling me to relax between contractions-but there was no in between contractions. None whatsoever. I remember moaning, "I thought I was supposed to have little breaks" and crying, and begging some more. Still nothing on the monitor. My doula started palpating my contractions as she realized what was going on. The nurse walked back in with the penicillin and I suddenly lunged/leaped up off the birthing ball and leaned on the bed, shrieking (I did not choose to do this-my body did it for me). I felt like I had to push-badly. My doula said the baby was coming down so fast she could see the bones in my spine arching, rippling, and bulging out. She told the nurse we better check me again, and the nurse didn't seem convinced. It had only been 25 minutes since my last cervical check which showed almost no progress and her paper strips weren't showing her any contractions. But based on my doula's insistence and the way I was acting, she told me to get up on the bed so she could check.
Um. Not happening. I wasn't capable of doing anything except standing on the floor, leaning over the bed, and groaning/shrieking through contractions. She finally just checked it with me standing there. "Oh!" she said in kind of a panicky voice, "I don't feel any cervix, and his head is RIGHT HERE with no water bag!" (apparently it broke at some point)
Just then my doctor happened to walk in-he was doing his normal morning hospital rounds and came in to check on me. He didn't even know I was in labor-just that I was admitted to the hospital for monitoring. "Dr. K," the nurse said hurriedly, "She is complete and she needs to push."
I was helped/shoved up onto the bed on my side so he could check, and sure enough, I had gone from 1.5 to complete in 25 minutes. They said I could start pushing whenever I wanted. So I did. I made way more noise than I ever thought I would-I am not normally a loud person, but I couldn't help it! (my throat is still hoarse from all the screaming-so embarrassing!) Pushing took about 30 minutes, and I did tear because his heart rate started dropping again, so we had to get him out fast! Stitching up the tear actually took longer and was almost more painful than pushing (no anesthetic).

Anyway, he is here now! He is healthy, and I am sore and exhausted, but okay. So much for my birth plan! I think that all those decels were just Ben's/God's way of keeping us in the hospital-if we waited till we knew I was in labor to head in, he would have been born in the car or elevator. We are staying in the hospital for 2 days because there wasn't time for antibiotics, but we are okay. My doula (from her palpations) thinks I had the same number of contractions in that hour or so of really intense stuff as most women have over 12-24 hours.
Was it worth it? Yes. Absolutely. Would I do it again for him? Yes. Do I want to do it again soon? No way! Maybe someday, but not soon. Anyway, we are in love, and I think we had the best experience we could given what happened. The hospital staff has been great, and were very supportive of our birth plan, doing everything they could to stick with it (some things, like intermittent monitoring, had to go out the window because of the decels).

Waiting and seasons

It has been interesting to experience different people's reactions as I draw ever closer to my due date. To me, in some ways, the time feels like it is creeping on, while at other times, it seems to fly. I'm 36.5 weeks along now, which means that in just a few days I will be considered "term"...and according to the doctor and the guesstimated size of my son, it would be just fine for him to come whenever he is ready.
In some ways, I am beyond ready. I will admit that I am not a huge fan of swollen feet (my multiple ankle surgeries make this extremely painful, though I'm sure it's not comfortable for anyone!), and even though I've only gained 12 pounds to date, the extra weight is also not very fun for my multi-surgical ankles to drag around during my "I-stand-all-day" job. It will also be nice to be able to bend over, reach my shoes, and not lurch up from chairs as if I was an overweight behemoth doing the hokey-pokey. In other ways, I want to treasure these last few days that just Josh and I have together. Once Ben comes, our identities will change-no longer will we be just husband-and-wife; we will be mommy-and-daddy. We certainly have a goal of keeping husband-and-wife as our primary relationship, but I know that this new step will require much less selfishness on both our parts! Which of these two feelings has the upper hand at the moment changes constantly, and is also somewhat dependent on how I feel physically (I'm in a pattern of feeling pretty wretched-meaning nauseated, crampy, contracting a lot, and exhausted-about every other day...the good thing about this is that the days where I am merely uncomfortable and very tired feel amazing by comparison!). It is interesting to live life so day to day. I definitely still schedule things, but each day I wake up wondering, "Could it be today?" And it could! So my current operating mode is, if it is today-wonderful! I will look to Jesus for strength to get through a very intense and painful experience. If it is not today, I will look to Him for strength to get through a 9 hour day on my feet-which can also be an intense and painful experience!
Anyway, the comments I get from others vary widely, but just today, included:
"Are you ever going to drop that baby, girl?"
"You have been pregnant forever! WHEN are you due?"
"You look great...for being 9 months pregnant." (not entirely sure what that one means!)
"Are you ready for that baby to come out?"
"What's the plan for getting peanut out of there?" (ummm...well, I figured I'd probably go into labor and then, you know, birth him. The way thousands of women have done for thousands of years)
"Oh man, you think you're tired now...just wait!"
"These kids, always wanting to have babies...don't you realize that your 'before children' phase was the best time of your life?"
Plus a whole plethora of birth horror stories.
It's kind of interesting how people tend to want to one-up other people in terms of "how much life stinks." Get a group of people together and start hearing birth stories...they get more and more horrific and tough the longer the conversation goes! Most people are happy to wax eloquent about how much better life was "B.C." I am not naive enough to think that this journey we are embarking upon is easy or all smooth sailing, but really...how is this encouraging or helpful? I am comforting myself by reminders that I have heard this kind of talk before. I heard it in college ("this is the most carefree and stress free time of your life!"), graduate school ("at least you don't have to deal with the real world yet! Put that off as long as possible!"), right after marriage ("oh man, the first few years suck majorly! Get ready for the honeymoon phase to end!"), and also at other times. So far, each of these seasons has been accompanied by both blessings and beautiful, wonderful times and struggles and deeply difficult times. I am hoping this is the nature of seasons of life. There isn't a "better season" that we should strive to stay in for the rest of our existence. I think it would be naive and prideful to say I am "ready" for this new season. I think I can say that I am looking forward to it. I look forward to deepening my relationship with my husband through it-I know we will have to be more intentional about making that happen now that there will be a little one in the picture-but I refuse to think that it is impossible because he will be in the way (which is how some other people seem to see it). I choose to enter this new season with joy, embracing the challenges along with the sweet times.
I shall keep you all updated! :-)

 I still maintain I am not nesting...I am lacking the spurt of energy that is supposed to accompany this phenomenon! However, we have mostly put the nursery together, and I thought it would be fun to show you pictures! I doubt Ben will actually sleep in this room for a while after he is born, but it makes me feel better to be semi-organized instead of having baby stuff piled everywhere!!
One of my coworkers gave me this super cute jungle animal bedding set! We weren't going to buy a bedding set, but this one is adorable...and was free!

 The crib was from Craigslist...it's pretty basic, but that's all we need, right? One nice thing is that it has a drawer underneath...the better to store sheets and blankets!

Yeahhh...I am too cheap to buy a baby dresser. I know, I know....but the closet is huge, and this dual set of Tupperware storage drawers works perfectly! Clothes on the left, diapers on the right! I tried to make it a little cute, at least!

 We do have an adult bed in the baby room...which may at times double as a guest room...or maybe Mom/Dad will take a nap on this bed while Ben sleeps too! I'm sure diapers will get changed here as well. At the moment, it is occupied by our mostly-packed hospital bag.

Here is our teeny-tiny baby potty! We're planning on trying to EC (the fewer poopy diapers to wash, we hope! I'm certain I will be keeping you posted on that!

 We have been so blessed to have so many generous friends who showered us with gifts! Combine that with a couple of really good consignment sales around here, and you get most of your baby necessities and many of the baby wants with very little money out of pocket. This is such a huge blessing for us-baby stuff is expensive! Right now, things are mostly stored in the closet. The major projects we still need to complete are: put our glider together, put the carseat in the car, and set up the pack and play (which doubles as a bassinet) in our bedroom. We even have 2 little drawers filled with toys and board books! (we have non-board books as well, which are currently stored in the closet-my plan is to get a tiny bookshelf and put them on there at some point. For now, we only have books out that will survive being chewed!)

And here is the room as a whole, as seen from the doorway. I'm sure we will do some adjusting to it, but it is nice to have the "big stuff" done, especially as I have become increasingly tired and less mobile over the last few days. I'm trying to find the fine line between resting and being overly lazy. I have been having pretty regular contractions for about the last week, more so for the last few days. It's a bit early for that (I'm 35 weeks today), but an exam last night was reassuring that it doesn't look like Ben is going to make his arrival in the next few days at least (though I was warned that could change, so still keep an eye on things!). It's crazy that I could be holding my son anytime from a few days from now to over a month from now! Part of me is beyond ready...more of me wants him to stay in there until he's done cooking. However, regardless of how I feel, I think most likely he will just come whenever he wants!!

An interesting weekend

My brother graduated from high school this weekend-this is so crazy to me as he is the oldest of what I often think of as the "young family" (we have 7 kids in our family...the oldest 3 are close in age, then there is a gap between numbers 3 and 4...he is number 4). Combine that with my little sister being old enough to have a driver's license and...wow. Is this how parents feel when their kids get older? I don't know whether to be amused, terrified, or just plain feel ancient, especially when I think back to changing their diapers, playing "airplane" to get them to eat their food, and chasing them in circles around the park.
Anyway, we spent most of Saturday helping with food preparation for the post-graduation party, cleaning for said party, and then going to the graduation and attending the post graduation party. It was a really fun day and we got to spend a lot of time with family, but man were we tired after! I don't know how my mom does this type of event planning on a regular basis...and she was going to an afterparty lock in type thing from 10-midnight (as a chaperone) after the regular party!
The graduation was nice-though it was a huge graduating class! Over 600...I've never been to a high school graduation that large. The ceremony took about 2 hours...it was in the college basketball arena (and they did legitimately need that much space). Thankfully, we were "assigned" to the side of the arena with cushioned seats-I am quite sure my pregnant self would not have enjoyed sitting on a typical bleacher-type seat for that length of time! And I was uncomfortable enough as it was-I was having fairly uncomfortable contractions every 5 minutes for most of the ceremony. I was debating what to do-they could have just been really uncomfortable Braxton-Hicks for all I know, since I've never had contractions before. We didn't have our car there, and I didn't really want to climb over tons of people, then climb a bunch of steps, so I elected to just wait and see what happened. Thankfully, they stopped after about an hour and a half. I kind of hope they weren't just Braxton-Hicks...they were strong enough to make me feel nauseous and Josh said my face was turning gray (under makeup! Awesome...) and my thought is, good grief, if those were just B-H contractions, will I be able to handle the real thing? This is the second time I've had pretty regular contractions (or what I'm assuming to be contractions...strong menstrual-like cramping accompanied by tightening of my entire uterus) for a prolonged period of time. The first time was last Thursday and was accompanied by a little spotting-it had us concerned enough to call the after hours number (of course it happened at night) and then be phone triaged by labor and delivery. Both times, they have stopped on their own, but it does have me a little concerned for several reasons. First, I'm only 34 weeks, and while Ben would not be a micro-preemie if he came now, it would really be good for him to cook for at least a few more weeks. Secondly, I'm not sure how to judge right now when to be concerned/call someone for input and when I'm just having normal symptoms. Do I just wait to see what happens (which is what we've done so far)? What happens if I wait too long? How long is too long? I don't want to be a "frequent flyer" who's always calling the doctor's office or running in for emergency checks, but I also don't want to wait too long if there is something wrong that needs to be addressed. Ah, the conundrums of parenthood...
Any input from any of you who have had babies (or work/have worked in the baby-birthing industry) would be much appreciated!
Anyway, that's about all the excitement around here for now. I've started having some foot swelling and other typical 3rd trimester symptoms, and I have several coworkers who exclaim, "You're still here!" every time they see me. I'm not sure if they are just sympathizing with my rotund state, or if they think I look a lot bigger/further along than I actually am. I'm carrying this kid pretty low (and I think he's dropping more), so it could easily be either I suppose. So there you have it...sorry those of you who don't want to read about pregnancy stuff all the time-but that's the biggest thing (haha) that's going on with us right now!

The crazy third trimester!

 Well, the third trimester is here, and I totally understand comments like "I feel like a beached whale!" We went to my doctor's appointment last week, and for the first time this pregnancy, I weighed more than when I started (by 10 lbs). The part of me that is a rational person knows that gaining weight is part of pregnancy and cannot be avoided. The part of me that is a woman who has struggled with weight related issues all her life has a hard time not letting this spin me into a self-deprecating funk. I try to tell myself that it's all going to the baby, since I haven't really noticed a big difference in my face (which is usually where I first see weight loss/gain), legs, etc...and my hips, while wider, do not seem to have extra bulk. But this could be wishful thinking!
 I could have up to 9 weeks left in this pregnancy, or as few as 4, just depending on when the little guy decides he wants to come. I just hope I don't gain too much more between now and then. Let's face it...we've come a long way from the picture in black (16 weeks, and this was probably my thinnest since I lost a bunch of weight in the first tri from morning sickness) to the picture  in gray (taken this morning)!

 I have begun working on baby preparations. I don't think I am nesting, per se, because I do not have a surge of energy (at least, if this is a surge of energy, I want my money back!!!). I just have a realization that this kid could be here terrifyingly soon, and I probably should do as much as possible before I become even less mobile and more exhausted. Already, simple things are becoming not-so-simple (who knew getting up from a chair or the floor was so complicated!). Also, we have wonderful, generous friends and family, so there is actually stuff to organize! Additionally, I think there will be more people coming through our home in the near future than there have been to date, and I don't want to be embarrassed when they do!

 

Baby diapers!! I think we now will have enough-thanks everyone who contributed!

 

Top: Ben has a library started already!!! Bottom: Beautiful homemade gifts: a blanket spun, designed, and knitted by Granna, a crocheted elephant from Aunt Rebecca, and an adorable corduroy bunny from Aunt Lydia!

We have had two showers now! This was a huge, unexpected blessing...because of the timing of our move from Austin to Columbia, I figured we might not have a shower at all...we moved before I was "pregnant enough" from Austin, and I didn't figure anyone would know us well enough here before the baby came. I was sad, mostly because I had always looked forward to celebrating this time with friends and family. Later, it hit me that gifts are also useful-for being so tiny, baby stuff is sure expensive!

 Then, an opportunity came up for us to go to Austin for a weekend, and our wonderful church family there contacted me to say they wanted to throw us a shower! It was such a wonderful thing-we were able to see so many more of our closest friends and family than we could have if we were trying to visit each one individually during such a short visit! They did a storybook theme-how perfect for us! Everything was so beautifully and tastefully done-from a story-oriented game to food themed after various books...and we have a really good start on a library for Ben which includes many of the books that I remember my siblings loving when they were young! Truly one of the highlights of our trip, and we felt so loved even though we don't live there any more!

Our small group here in Columbia also requested to throw us a shower, despite having only known us for 3 weeks at the time! We were so grateful and honored that they would do that after only having known us for a short time! This shower was much more intimate-our small group and my family, as well as a friend from college (who ended up just a few hours away even though both of us went to school in Alabama! How crazy is that?). It was also a really fun time with friends and family, and beautifully planned. That will show me to doubt God, or be sad about something I think I'm losing because of doing something He leads us to...now, I'm not saying He will always give 2 showers when you thought you would have none, but it was so sweet that He chose to this time!

All right, this is becoming a book, so I'll close for the moment. Sorry for the lack of posting...we have been busy, but not necessarily with exciting things lately. Soon there will be lots of cute pictures to share, though-we hope!

Freedom

So, the concept of freedom in Christ has always been a challenge for me. I am, by nature, drawn to legalism...to my "ability" to redeem myself...to doing more, being more, making myself more worthy. Sadly, this line of thinking leads to slavery and fear, rather than a joyful walk. In recent weeks, I have been pondering the concept of freedom...what exactly does it mean? How do I behave as someone who is free? Obviously it doesn't mean "just do whatever in the world you want-it doesn't matter" and yet, it is so easy for me to become caught up in self regulation, and that can be as much a form of slavery as choosing to live in overt sin patterns of some kind. Maybe more so, because it is easier to justify.
I don't have complete answers as to what walking in freedom looks like. My gut tells me it is probably like many other things in this life-meaning that it looks different for each person and possibly even in each situation. I do feel that God has been clearly telling me for several weeks now that His desire is not for me to live in slavery...of any kind. And yes, that does include the slavery of "I have to make myself _____." In many ways, this means I need to re-think how I have approached life, and especially the pursuit of holiness. It isn't acceptable for me to just make myself appear a certain way on the outside by following a strict list of rules and regulations. He wants ME...the real me...not the one that I present to Him after putting on layers of makeup and careful presentation. He wants my obedience to be the byproduct, not the end goal. He wants a daughter who knows Him, walks with Him, and is, ultimately, FREE in Him. The rest will come.
As I said, this is a radical way of thinking for me, with many implications. To be honest, part of me wasn't sure it was from God...I mean, surely He wants us to be disciplined, so what is wrong with the picture of me being very strict with myself in these areas? (Please note that I am not saying discipline has no place...I am saying that in my specific case, I can often turn discipline and self-regulation into god and that can actually keep me from pursuing my real God) Then, I read Colossians with our community group, and the following verses reassured me:
If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations— ²¹  “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” ²² ( referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? ²³ These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. Colossians 2:20-23
This is what I have been doing! Providing myself with a list of needlessly strict rules and regulations, trying to create my own salvation-and it does appear wise. But it is of no value-not because it is wrong to live a life of obedience, but because it doesn't address the root of the issue-that on my own, I will seek to indulge my flesh and fill my own voids instead of running to the Bread of Life. Heaven will be so amazing, won't it? When we can truly, without reservation, live in His love and know Him, and truly see Him as He is-and by that understand ourselves? For now, I pray that He will begin to teach me what it looks like in each situation to walk in freedom and joy-to seek His Face. I'm obviously still thinking through what that means, how it will look...and I know it is possible for the pendulum to swing too far the other way...but I really, really want to begin to understand what this means and how to live it out!

Living things...

Time for another picture post!

We have a yard for the first time, which means we can also have a garden! So this is our "eensie weensie" first garden. There are 3 growing seasons here, so this little bed just has a bunch of "cool season" plants...spinach, lettuce, and broccoli. I've never grown any of these things before, so we'll see what happens! We've had them for about 3 weeks now and they are growing quickly (faster than the weeds!) so hopefully that is a good sign!

This is the view from our back yard...our yard itself is pretty small, but we back up to a huge farm (there are cows back there!) so we get the look of having acreage without the upkeep. Kind of nice (though I do wish we had acreage for one reason: I want a baby alpaca!).

 Mattie is positive the backyard is her domain. She lets us come in it, but it is unquestionably hers. I seriously don't know how she survived as an apartment dog...she LOOVVESSS the yard so much!

The college here has an agriculture school, and several times a year, they sell the plants that the students have raised (that's actually where we got our garden plants as well). We got these 2 lovely house plants! I don't remember the name of the one above, but I really like it-the leaves are almost as pretty as the flowers! The one on the left  is a geranium-but I have never seen a geranium in these colors before!

Of course, baby Ben is growing! (sorry for the slightly messy bathroom by the way) What is hilarious to me is that I STILL get people who say, "Oh, are you pregnant?" in a kind of shocked tone of voice (not the "Oh, I thought you might be, but didn't want to take a chance" voice but the truly "Oh wow, I had no idea!" voice). I just took these photos today (I am 27 weeks, 1 day today) and this scenario happened to me today when I met a neighbor! Now I understand none of these people have ever seen me not pregnant, but I think it's kind of obvious at this point...maybe not, though. To me it is most obvious from the side, and you really can't tell from the back (front is not as obvious, but I think you can still tell from the front)...BUT...I feel like I should be getting "so, when are you due?" more often than "Oh wow, are you EXPECTING??!!" at this point. Who knows...I decided I think it's funny (no point in getting upset or offended, right?).

I tried to take pictures of our fish tank, but the fish never stop moving, so all the pictures are blurry. So instead, you get this lovely little video! I get a probably unreasonable amount of enjoyment from this tank-I find it so relaxing to sit and watch them...kind of like a piece of living artwork, I guess!
So yep, not much substance here today, but you have to have a "fun post" every once in a while to balance out the heavy philosophical ones, right??