I don't think there is a "going back to normal" after a big life change. I'm not sure why I had that thought after having a baby. I certainly didn't have a thought of "I wonder when life will go back to normal" after Josh and I got married! I think instead, we get new normals. So right now, my "normal life" is nursing, and getting dressed, and nursing, and cuddling, and nursing, and soothing to sleep, and eating breakfast, and changing diapers, and nursing, and TRYING to drink enough water (any tips on this much appreciated!) and nursing some more...etc. Can you tell my baby likes to eat a lot?? Right now, nursing seems to be a full time job. It is kind of sad, but I felt very accomplished when I managed to do 2 loads of laundry (one a diaper load) and sweep the floor the other day (in addition to the taking care of the baby). Hopefully this is normal with a newborn...for sure it is normal with my newborn! He is very pleasant...but does not like to be put down. He rarely fusses...but he is not really able to fall asleep (or stay asleep long) on his own. He does like being held, snuggled, worn, and...did I mention nursing? :-)
I know this is a stage, and a new one will probably start soon (I imagine at some point we will add "interacting" or maybe even "playing" into the routine!). In a few weeks my "new normal life" will including going to work...which I am anticipating to be a huge transition (and yes, I'm dreading it for multiple reasons! But I keep reminding myself that many women work and mother, and their kids don't turn into serial killers or feel neglected. My kid is doubly lucky in that he will have family....my mom and his dad...taking care of him instead of a daycare.).
Anyway, I am wondering if looking forward and embracing "where we are" right now as what is normal and the way our life is at the moment is better and more productive than looking back and either longing for our old "normal life" (Josh and I will get to cuddle again one day, and even have coherent conversations...I WILL have the brain power for it again!) or living in guilt of remembering our old normal life (no, I'm not working a 9-12 hour day at a traditional job followed by cooking followed by school...I was nuts to ever do that by the way...but what I am doing now is just as valuable) and comparing ourselves, leading to self condemnation.
So, for now, I am going to enjoy my "new normal"...quick, before it changes again!
Such good thoughts, Jenn. Yes, it does feel like your whole life is nursing at this point. Ben will get faster and it will take up a little less of your life. It's such a bitter-sweet sacrifice-blessing. :-) I think sweeping the floor and doing not 1 but 2 loads of laundry is fantastic! You have the right perspective in enjoying this phase, quick before it changes. :-) There are pros and cons to every stage of baby-hood and childhood, but I think it just keeps getting better as you can form a deeper and deeper relationship with that little person as they get older. I'm LOVING being able to have real conversations about things with T right now! Super fun! She is my little companion!
ReplyDeleteI just have to ask ... Is there not any way Josh can work and you can stay at home, at least until Ben is older or weaned? Since Josh can't nurse him it's just a "little" more work for you to work full time and feed/pump for the child! Of course I completely support how ever you think God is leading both of you, and if you do go back to work full time, Josh will do an excellent job and get some very special daddy-son time.
Super cute pic of Josh with Ben in the Moby!
Good words of wisdom! You are doing so well and you are going to be a great mommy even when you go back to work. I hope that your pain goes away soon!
ReplyDeleteJenn, such wisdom! I was just wondering TODAY when (or if!) I would ever be able to accomplish things BEYOND my household. I've been feeling like I'm not doing anything for the world and therefore feeling guilt. This post reminded me of great truths: this is a stage, this is a "new normal"(loved your thoughts on that!), and loving my foster son and my husband is valuable. Thanks for sharing, friend!
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