I don't know why it is that motherhood has caused me to think of this...it's certainly not something that applies ONLY to motherhood, and it is also a concept that I think all of us have at least heard of before, but not one to which I had given more than a passing thought. Maybe I'm thinking of it now because I am realizing in an undeniable, sharp way how short "life" is...my child is developing normally so far, and passing through stages almost as quickly as I can take each one in! Anyway, I have been thinking about how we can choose what we are dwelling on/how we think about and view our lives. There are always the BUTs...
I don't sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time (sometimes much less) and probably not much more than 4-6 hours a night...BUT...I am able to rest my body during the day, I can take naps, and I can stay in bed as long as my baby will let me right now.
My baby does not like to be put down (I know this is a stage he will grow out of, and probably very soon!)...BUT...I get to snuggle him, smell him and kiss him as he sleeps peacefully on my chest, and he is so happy to be with me (none of these will last either! And don't worry...he practices sleeping by himself at least once a day).
My body still hurts (we have come to the conclusion after conversations with our midwife/doula and my doctor that I almost certainly have multiple torn ligaments and muscles in my pelvis as well as the actual external tearing, due to the speed of labor and delivery. All appears to be healing well, it's just slowing down the timeline for me to feel better and for my body to bounce back)...BUT...we are both safe, and whole, with no major birth or postpartum complications, and next time should be much kinder to my body even if the labor is the same.
Nursing is still pretty painful sometimes...BUT...it is much better than it was, and my baby is getting such adorable rolls and dimples!
It is really hard when Ben is crying or fussing and I can't figure out why...BUT...most of the time he is pretty happy, and we are learning to figure out what is wrong.
Ben is pretty clingy right now...he really wants his mommy a LOT (I think because I'm the one who nurses him)...BUT...this is also a stage that will pass, probably soon, and he won't always want me to touch him, let alone give lots of kisses on his chubby cheeks. And despite some times when I thought my maternity leave would be 2-6 weeks at most, I was granted almost a full FMLA maternity leave (despite not qualifying for it yet due to having only been at this job for 6 months), so I have been able to spend the last 7 weeks focused on him, and I have 4 more to do the same.
I do have to go back to work full time, at least for now...BUT....we are blessed to be able to live off of just my income, so Ben will have a parent home with him, and his grandma (who is pretty crazy about him) to help care for him when dad isn't available.
Anyway, as I said, none of this is new. It's not a new concept, or a new way of looking at things...it's the tried and true "glass is half full instead of half empty" outlook. But for some reason, I have been thinking about it quite a bit lately. What about you? What things can you look at in either light, and what helps you to focus on the "buts"?
On an unrelated note...if anyone has tips for managing postpartum skin changes (extreme dryness of the face, hands, and feet), please share!!!
Sorry there are no pictures...BUT...I am currently being pinned down by a happily snuggling baby. ;-) Rest assured, he is as cute as ever!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Oh my goodness...
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Redefining Normal
I think there has been a part of me that has wondered when we will go back to normal after Ben's arrival. Not that I have minded the time of rest (even forced rest...though, if I am honest, I am thoroughly ready to be in less pain and more active now!), and heaven knows I have loved getting to know/cuddling my son! But I had a thought today and would love feedback on it...
I don't think there is a "going back to normal" after a big life change. I'm not sure why I had that thought after having a baby. I certainly didn't have a thought of "I wonder when life will go back to normal" after Josh and I got married! I think instead, we get new normals. So right now, my "normal life" is nursing, and getting dressed, and nursing, and cuddling, and nursing, and soothing to sleep, and eating breakfast, and changing diapers, and nursing, and TRYING to drink enough water (any tips on this much appreciated!) and nursing some more...etc. Can you tell my baby likes to eat a lot?? Right now, nursing seems to be a full time job. It is kind of sad, but I felt very accomplished when I managed to do 2 loads of laundry (one a diaper load) and sweep the floor the other day (in addition to the taking care of the baby). Hopefully this is normal with a newborn...for sure it is normal with my newborn! He is very pleasant...but does not like to be put down. He rarely fusses...but he is not really able to fall asleep (or stay asleep long) on his own. He does like being held, snuggled, worn, and...did I mention nursing? :-)
I know this is a stage, and a new one will probably start soon (I imagine at some point we will add "interacting" or maybe even "playing" into the routine!). In a few weeks my "new normal life" will including going to work...which I am anticipating to be a huge transition (and yes, I'm dreading it for multiple reasons! But I keep reminding myself that many women work and mother, and their kids don't turn into serial killers or feel neglected. My kid is doubly lucky in that he will have family....my mom and his dad...taking care of him instead of a daycare.).
Anyway, I am wondering if looking forward and embracing "where we are" right now as what is normal and the way our life is at the moment is better and more productive than looking back and either longing for our old "normal life" (Josh and I will get to cuddle again one day, and even have coherent conversations...I WILL have the brain power for it again!) or living in guilt of remembering our old normal life (no, I'm not working a 9-12 hour day at a traditional job followed by cooking followed by school...I was nuts to ever do that by the way...but what I am doing now is just as valuable) and comparing ourselves, leading to self condemnation.
So, for now, I am going to enjoy my "new normal"...quick, before it changes again!
Daddy and baby in the moby...awwww
I really like these little bear jammies...
Yep, I spend lots of time doing this...while intermittently kissing those precious little tubby cheeks...which are quickly developing into jowls! :-)
I don't think there is a "going back to normal" after a big life change. I'm not sure why I had that thought after having a baby. I certainly didn't have a thought of "I wonder when life will go back to normal" after Josh and I got married! I think instead, we get new normals. So right now, my "normal life" is nursing, and getting dressed, and nursing, and cuddling, and nursing, and soothing to sleep, and eating breakfast, and changing diapers, and nursing, and TRYING to drink enough water (any tips on this much appreciated!) and nursing some more...etc. Can you tell my baby likes to eat a lot?? Right now, nursing seems to be a full time job. It is kind of sad, but I felt very accomplished when I managed to do 2 loads of laundry (one a diaper load) and sweep the floor the other day (in addition to the taking care of the baby). Hopefully this is normal with a newborn...for sure it is normal with my newborn! He is very pleasant...but does not like to be put down. He rarely fusses...but he is not really able to fall asleep (or stay asleep long) on his own. He does like being held, snuggled, worn, and...did I mention nursing? :-)
I know this is a stage, and a new one will probably start soon (I imagine at some point we will add "interacting" or maybe even "playing" into the routine!). In a few weeks my "new normal life" will including going to work...which I am anticipating to be a huge transition (and yes, I'm dreading it for multiple reasons! But I keep reminding myself that many women work and mother, and their kids don't turn into serial killers or feel neglected. My kid is doubly lucky in that he will have family....my mom and his dad...taking care of him instead of a daycare.).
Anyway, I am wondering if looking forward and embracing "where we are" right now as what is normal and the way our life is at the moment is better and more productive than looking back and either longing for our old "normal life" (Josh and I will get to cuddle again one day, and even have coherent conversations...I WILL have the brain power for it again!) or living in guilt of remembering our old normal life (no, I'm not working a 9-12 hour day at a traditional job followed by cooking followed by school...I was nuts to ever do that by the way...but what I am doing now is just as valuable) and comparing ourselves, leading to self condemnation.
So, for now, I am going to enjoy my "new normal"...quick, before it changes again!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
New Mommy Thoughts
Today is Ben's one-month birthday! Holy cow...I literally cannot believe I've had this precious little snuggler for a whole month. On the other hand, it feels very right to have him here. Weird, I know! I thought that the first month would go by slowly-especially when my doctor put me on bedrest for most of the first 3.5 weeks that he was here due to some postpartum complications! But no...it's amazing how full your life can be just from taking care of a little guy. I know I've said this before, but I am SO thankful for maternity leave (especially the extended one my boss gave me!). I know it will be a huge challenge to transition back to my role of primary breadwinner while learning how to continue my nurturing/mommy role and also be a good wife. It's nice to be able to put off that transition for a few months and truly have time to recover from pregnancy/birth as well as spend time cuddling.
Since I did several posts about things that surprised me about pregnancy, I thought I'd do one today about things that have surprised me about being a mother (so far). At first, I wondered if I needed to apologize that "baby" has taken over my blog and facebook...then I realized, they are MY blog and facebook, and baby is what is going on in my life right now. The reason I have the blog especially is to keep people who want to know updated on our lives. Also, everyone has the freedom to read or not read, to look or not look...so I'm just going to continue to reflect on baby as much as I like, and without apology! :-)
Okay, things that have surprised me so far:
1. Cloth diapering is a LOT easier than I thought it was. I think I was overly pessimistic about how hard it would be. It's really not that bad! I think part of that is that we have come a LONG way from the cloth diapers my grandmother used!! (she was telling me about them the other day...and I am so thankful to have the "new and improved" version instead! She was surprised by how straightforward they are, and different from the ones she had) It does add another step in that you have to wash them, but at least for this baby, I actually think cleaning him up after he goes to the bathroom is easier/works better with CDs than disposables since they are more absorbent.
2. Nursing is at once more challenging and more rewarding than I was expecting. I thought it would be easy, because I have known so many people who have done it, seemingly (from my perspective) without challenges or problems. Maybe this is just because I was looking at it from the outside and didn't really know to ask! The first few weeks were really hard...bleeding, labor breathing techniques, even crying while he was eating (what except a mother's love would prompt one to repeatedly volunteer for something so painful?!). I'm glad he wasn't old enough at that point to focus on my face and realize I wasn't happy! Now, it has gotten much better-not 100% pain free, ,but very tolerable (and no more bleeding!). And I love knowing that I am giving him something that is so good for him. It's fun to watch him gain weight and know that it's partly because he's eating good food. :-) And he makes the sweetest satisfied sounds while he eats. I really enjoy looking into his eyes (I know he's "too young" but I swear he sometimes smiles at me when we nurse, and only then!) and stroking his hair while he eats. Now, if I could just figure out why he sometimes spits up the entire feeding....
3. Getting up in the middle of the night is hard, but not as hard as I was afraid it would be. Part of this, I think, is that I am not working right now, so I can (and do) take naps with him during the day if needed. That will change when I go back to work, I'm sure. I don't necessarily love the fact that it's been FOREVER since I've slept more than 3-4 hours at a stretch (really not since the middle of my second trimester, I think!), but I do enjoy the quiet time with just the two of us while he eats. It's also nice prayer time. Note that I will not complain if he sleeps longer though!!!
4. I was absolutely shocked by how challenging postpartum recovery has been. I'm actually still struggling with a lot of pain, low energy, and inability to be very physically active-which is very weird for me. I haven't sat this much in...well, probably ever. While it does allow me to cuddle guilt free, it has been frustrating as well. For some reason, I was thinking I'd be back to normal in a week or two at most...instead here we are 4.5 weeks out from delivery and I don't feel even close! I'm not sure if I'm being a wimp, or what.
5. Wow this kid makes a lot of laundry! My definition of gross has changed ("Oh, it's just a little urine on my shorts...you can't even see it!") but still, between my clothes, his clothes, Josh's clothes, sheets, blankets...
Well, there are probably others, but they'll have to wait for another post...Ben is waking up and fussing, so it's time to do the diaper change/feed/snuggle thing again. :-) Hope all is well with everyone, and thanks for sharing this journey with us!
Newborn baby Ben...
And a photo taken last night! Holy cow, he's grown so much! And he's definitely his daddy's son...90th percentile for height (22 inches last week at his checkup) and 25th for weight-though I think he's put on a few ounces since then. :-)
Since I did several posts about things that surprised me about pregnancy, I thought I'd do one today about things that have surprised me about being a mother (so far). At first, I wondered if I needed to apologize that "baby" has taken over my blog and facebook...then I realized, they are MY blog and facebook, and baby is what is going on in my life right now. The reason I have the blog especially is to keep people who want to know updated on our lives. Also, everyone has the freedom to read or not read, to look or not look...so I'm just going to continue to reflect on baby as much as I like, and without apology! :-)
Okay, things that have surprised me so far:
1. Cloth diapering is a LOT easier than I thought it was. I think I was overly pessimistic about how hard it would be. It's really not that bad! I think part of that is that we have come a LONG way from the cloth diapers my grandmother used!! (she was telling me about them the other day...and I am so thankful to have the "new and improved" version instead! She was surprised by how straightforward they are, and different from the ones she had) It does add another step in that you have to wash them, but at least for this baby, I actually think cleaning him up after he goes to the bathroom is easier/works better with CDs than disposables since they are more absorbent.
2. Nursing is at once more challenging and more rewarding than I was expecting. I thought it would be easy, because I have known so many people who have done it, seemingly (from my perspective) without challenges or problems. Maybe this is just because I was looking at it from the outside and didn't really know to ask! The first few weeks were really hard...bleeding, labor breathing techniques, even crying while he was eating (what except a mother's love would prompt one to repeatedly volunteer for something so painful?!). I'm glad he wasn't old enough at that point to focus on my face and realize I wasn't happy! Now, it has gotten much better-not 100% pain free, ,but very tolerable (and no more bleeding!). And I love knowing that I am giving him something that is so good for him. It's fun to watch him gain weight and know that it's partly because he's eating good food. :-) And he makes the sweetest satisfied sounds while he eats. I really enjoy looking into his eyes (I know he's "too young" but I swear he sometimes smiles at me when we nurse, and only then!) and stroking his hair while he eats. Now, if I could just figure out why he sometimes spits up the entire feeding....
3. Getting up in the middle of the night is hard, but not as hard as I was afraid it would be. Part of this, I think, is that I am not working right now, so I can (and do) take naps with him during the day if needed. That will change when I go back to work, I'm sure. I don't necessarily love the fact that it's been FOREVER since I've slept more than 3-4 hours at a stretch (really not since the middle of my second trimester, I think!), but I do enjoy the quiet time with just the two of us while he eats. It's also nice prayer time. Note that I will not complain if he sleeps longer though!!!
4. I was absolutely shocked by how challenging postpartum recovery has been. I'm actually still struggling with a lot of pain, low energy, and inability to be very physically active-which is very weird for me. I haven't sat this much in...well, probably ever. While it does allow me to cuddle guilt free, it has been frustrating as well. For some reason, I was thinking I'd be back to normal in a week or two at most...instead here we are 4.5 weeks out from delivery and I don't feel even close! I'm not sure if I'm being a wimp, or what.
5. Wow this kid makes a lot of laundry! My definition of gross has changed ("Oh, it's just a little urine on my shorts...you can't even see it!") but still, between my clothes, his clothes, Josh's clothes, sheets, blankets...
Well, there are probably others, but they'll have to wait for another post...Ben is waking up and fussing, so it's time to do the diaper change/feed/snuggle thing again. :-) Hope all is well with everyone, and thanks for sharing this journey with us!
And a photo taken last night! Holy cow, he's grown so much! And he's definitely his daddy's son...90th percentile for height (22 inches last week at his checkup) and 25th for weight-though I think he's put on a few ounces since then. :-)
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