Deep Breath Before the Plunge

Today my husband suggested taking Ben to the playground, so we got dressed, packed the diaper bag, and put on shoes to his delighted chants of "outside, outside!"
...which quickly turned to screams of anger, frustration, and heartbroken sobs as he was strapped into his car seat. The heartbreak continued all the way to the park-I tried to explain that we understood what he wanted (to a tearful "yeah, okay!") and that we were going to play at the playground and were almost there-at which point he would dissolve all over again. He was positive in that moment that we were denying his heart's true desire, even though we obviously knew what it was, and his little heart didn't understand why we didn't love him anymore.
Thankfully, we soon arrived at the park and joy came, as fully and completely felt as the agony from only moments before. He is now happily running, sliding, and climbing (Hadassah and I are nursing in the car because it us too cold to fumble with layers right now-and too windy). I am so glad, because even though I knew he would be happier and have more fun at the park than just in our back or even front yard, it was hard and sad to listen to him being so sad on the way.
And then it hit me...I have so much more toddler in me than I would like to admit. The heartache, anger, betrayal? Yeah, I feel those in reference to losing my dream of being a full time stay at home mom. Now, I honestly don't know if this is just how it is or if my heavenly parent has a better destination in mind that will fulfill my deepest desires even better than what I think I want. After all, Ben has these same reactions when we say no, as we sometimes must. But we don't love Ben less in those moments. Can I trust that He doesn't either? This is hard on so many levels (not the least of which is perceived judgment over my dedication to motherhood from strangers and acquaintances alike). And how do I walk through this, allowing the grief but not being swallowed by it, and choosing each day to make the most of the time I am given with my sweet babies?
I really hope we are headed to the "park"...