Waiting on the World to Change

The downside of having Ben a little more than 3 weeks early is that gestating Hadassah feels like it is taking FOREVER-even though I still have a week and a half or so until my due date! I think what is making this more challenging/frustrating is that we were really hoping she would come similarly early-due to the postpartum complications and subsequent repair surgery I had last time, it would really be ideal for her to be on the smaller side. Ben would have been at least 10 pounds if he had gone to term, so the fact that we are closing in on that with her is a little scary! I keep trying to relax about it and remind myself that God is in control, both of when she comes and of her size, but it's a little hard. Another thing that is making it challenging is that I have been having early labor level contractions (aka strong enough to keep me from sleeping much, too strong to ignore, but not strong enough to change my cervix quickly and I can still work and interact with Ben through them) very regularly (every 5-10 minutes or so, 24 hours a day) for about 5 days now. We are most likely going to induce at 39 weeks if she hasn't come on her own by then (everyone pray she comes on her own by then!). This is not a choice I ever thought I would make-I am normally a big fan of letting babies choose their own birthdays. However, given the complications last time and my desire to avoid similar complications this time and hopefully emerge semi-intact, we think this is wisest. We are 100% sure of our dates (part of the consequences last time mean there was only really one possible time she could have been conceived) and the bigger she is, the more the risk for long term consequences.

Thoughts on the waiting...aside from the obvious discomfort factor! Haha! (I don't remember being quite this uncomfortable with Ben)
It is interesting to have absolutely no control over this. There is nothing I can do to "make" my body go into labor, or to control how and when it happens. I have thought through so many scenarios-knowing that even though this early part is lasting forever, once it finally kicks into active labor, things could go even more quickly than last time. This is emphasized by the fact that we would ideally like to do something with Ben besides having Josh hold him during delivery! It's so hard to know-when will it be time to call someone? Will we have time to take him somewhere? I just have to wait and trust that it will all work out the way it is supposed to! This is very difficult for the part of me that likes to plan for all contingencies and "have my ducks in a row."

I am wondering how/if we will know when it is time. I'm starting to ignore even pretty hard contractions-well, not ignore them, but something that would have (and did) sent me to the hospital to get checked a week ago is just a cue to breathe and keep going now. Hopefully we'll figure it out in time!

There are so few surprises left in life-true surprises. In some ways it's kind of neat to not know exactly when she is coming-at least when I'm not so consumed with being bored of being pregnant! :-)
I am doing my best to treasure these last few days as a family of 3. To enjoy my uninterrupted time with Ben, enjoy snuggling with him for naps on the weekends (yeah, I could leave him in the bed or I could stay and nap with him-guess what I pick every time?? Excuse to take a nap? Definitely!), playing with him when I get home, and morning nursing/snuggles. I am sure I will still do a lot of these things when she is here, but it will be different for all of us-a new normal will have to be established. Of course, I am nervous! But also excited and as ready as I think I can be.
Hopefully the next post will be her birth story! Prayers and encouragement are always appreciated! And I am an open book-if anyone wants to challenge me or know more of our reasons for planning an induction a week early, feel free to ask.

38 weeks with Hadassah and (right) 36.5 with Ben (4 days before he was borh)-she looks smaller, right???