Here I am, 2 whole weeks into my tandem nursing journey and ready to share my deep insights with the world! Or not...really I mostly use this blog to process and if someone else can be helped by what I write, even better!
We got pregnant with Hadassah when Ben was only 10 months old. That combined with how deeply attached he was/is to nursing led me to look into tandem. I decided that I would keep nursing if he wanted to, but if he weaned himself while I was pregnant I wouldn't fight him, and we would just see what happened.
First trimester was really hard-I had a lot of sensitivity/pain and Ben has always had a weird/slightly uncomfortable latch (which was now toe curlingly painful). Also, I was struggling to eat due to nausea so at times it felt like he was literally sucking the last bits of energy from me. Second trimester, I dried up, the pain continued, and I developed Raynauds in my nipples (causes very painful nipple spasms). Third trimester, a little colostrum came back and some of the sensitivity decreased. All that to say, nursing while pregnant is very hard and most definitely not for everyone!!
Having a toddler who nurses has come in handy in several ways though! I can get relief from engorgement really quickly, my milk came in very quickly after birth, and it's a great way to get him to sit still if needed!!
Benefits of tandem: I really think it has helped a lot with bonding. They nurse at the same time at least a couple of times per day and Ben is so sweet with Hadassah during those times! He will hold her hand, rub her head, pat her back, and express some milk into her mouth (she doesn't need help with this but it's still very sweet of him!). It's also a very helpful way for me to get him to follow me or do something I need him to do (yes, I bribe him with milk occasionally). He definitely enjoys it-I think it makes him feel loved and he also likes the taste. It is also a nice way for him to have some special alone time before bed with Mama. My supply has regulated much faster this time so there is less leakage everywhere-and if that starts to happen I have the option to latch Ben instead of just getting all milky!
Challenges so far: I am having a hard time drinking enough to stay hydrated (my mother in law pointed out this may be compounded by the bleeding I have had which has been heavier than normal due to a uterine infection), and if I thought nursing 1 made you hungry, 2 is even more so!! Ben is having a hard time with me putting my shirt back on after, but I think he will eventually learn that this doesn't mean the milk is gone forever, and he won't tantrum as much. I am still working on finding comfortable positions to nurse both at once-we are pretty good at sitting up now, but I would like to learn a lying down position also.
To summarize, I am glad we are tandem nursing. It has mostly been positive so far for all involved. I have been very blessed to not have to deal with many of the challenges I have read about-I never dealt with an aversion to nursing Ben (pain yes, but not aversion) and I am able to nurse both at once without being totally creeped out by the 2 different latches. As with every parenting decision I don't think it is for everyone, but so far it has been a good journey for us and I look forward to continuing!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Marathon vs Sprint?
I have had no less than 10 people ask me whose labor I preferred: Ben's or Hadassah's? While I hate to use overutilized running analogies, the 2 births can really only be compared to a sprint (Ben) vs a marathon (Hadassah). Same activity, roughly the same end result, but 2 very different methods of arriving! It's still hard to compare the 2, really, because some things were just intrinsically different with Hadassah because I had birthed before so I kind of knew what was going on (the hardest thing with Ben's birth was not knowing what was going on for much of it because it was outside of anything I had prepared myself for or read about). Still, for those of you who are morbidly curious, here goes!
How long was I in labor with each? With Ben, I was checked just as I started to feel contractions and was 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced, with baby at -1 station. 20 minutes later, I was complete and ready to push. 25 minutes after that, heflew into entered the world (yeah. 45 minutes. Told you it was a sprint.). With Hadassah, the question of how long I was in labor is a little harder to determine. If you count from when I started having contractions 3-5 minutes apart, 24 hours a day, it was 21 days. If you count from when things started to noticably pick up/become more intense, it was 32 hours. If you count (as I usually do) from the time of the first documented cervical change, it was 17 hours (I usually count from this one because that's when the "marathon" of standing, walking, squatting, swaying, bouncing, etc. began) with 15 minutes of pushing.
Both labors started on their own, neither were augmented with drugs in any way, I did not use pain medication/epidurals, etc. for either one, I spent my entire labor in the hospital with both, and both resulted in a healthy baby and a happy Mommy.
That said, I will take the marathon over the sprint any day.
The benefit of going quickly is that...well, it is over quickly. That's about it. Going from not being in labor straight into transition is really not fun, especially with your first birth-meaning you have no clue what is going on and just think you are being a giant wimp. The last 30-45 minutes of Hadassah's birth were very similar to Ben's birth in terms of how intense contractions felt (and how loud I was during them!) BUT I had hours of buildup beforehand AND even during the most intense part I had breaks between contractions (with Ben, once they started they just came on top of each other until I started pushing). I will say that I did not enjoy being stuck in transition for 4 hours with her, but I was able to manage it up until a few minutes before the decision was made to go ahead and rupture the sac and get her to come out.
Going slower is most definitely easier on Mama's body. With Ben, after I birthed him and the placenta, there was still over an hour of stitching to do (and a surgery 5 months after that). With Hadassah, I didn't need even 1 stitch. Can I tell you how deeply relieved I was when my doctor announced that no repair needed to be done?? I think my doula and I both cried. Yes, I am still a bit sore from her birth, but nothing like how I was with Ben, and this soreness responds to rest. After the quick birth, I just felt like I had JUST given birth for...well, until I recovered from the surgery.
A longer birthing process does mean less energy is left when you get to the pushing phase. I had planned to deliver Hadassah on all fours, like I did with Ben, but by the time I actually got there, I couldn't hold myself upright anymore and ended up finishing labor on my side and then on my back (which was a position I was actively planning to avoid-but it was what worked at the moment so you just go with it!). And I think I am still recovering (physically) from the effects of labor. I am thankful that I am in a job where I use most of my muscles a lot all day every day-that really helped prepare me for holding various positions for hours at a time (my nurse couldn't believe my arms were holding out as long as they were).
The longer process with Hadassah was very redeeming in the sense that I felt stronger through it. With the quick birth process, I felt like I had completely overestimated myself and was just being a big wimp because I was literally swept up into it and holding on for dear life (and quite literally climbing walls, screaming, etc.). With a longer birth, because I had time to build up to it and really didn't start getting to that point until I had been stuck at 9 cm and 90% effaced for over 3 hours. I still felt in control of myself (and my volume!) up until that point. The nurses and doctors were all very affirming as well in terms of how well I was handling it (well, except for the anesthesiologist who came to put in my IV-I didn't like him! First he threatened me with a central line, then he kind of laughed at my plan of giving birth unmedicated) which was nice. I still feel bad about the noise I was making at the end, but we're going to hope that most mamas get to that point eventually and they are used to it...if you know differently, don't tell me! Haha! Pushing her out was much more painful than pushing Ben out. I think some of that was because I was pushing through scar tissue (and purposely pushing in shorter bursts to try to minimize damage) and some of it was because of my frame of reference-with Ben, the pushing phase was actually when I got some time to breathe between contractions where I hadn't been able to before!
At the end of the day, both labors were completely worth it because the end result was my beautiful babies. I would gladly go through either again for them. If I have a choice, maybe we can go for a happy medium next time?
How long was I in labor with each? With Ben, I was checked just as I started to feel contractions and was 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced, with baby at -1 station. 20 minutes later, I was complete and ready to push. 25 minutes after that, he
Both labors started on their own, neither were augmented with drugs in any way, I did not use pain medication/epidurals, etc. for either one, I spent my entire labor in the hospital with both, and both resulted in a healthy baby and a happy Mommy.
That said, I will take the marathon over the sprint any day.
The benefit of going quickly is that...well, it is over quickly. That's about it. Going from not being in labor straight into transition is really not fun, especially with your first birth-meaning you have no clue what is going on and just think you are being a giant wimp. The last 30-45 minutes of Hadassah's birth were very similar to Ben's birth in terms of how intense contractions felt (and how loud I was during them!) BUT I had hours of buildup beforehand AND even during the most intense part I had breaks between contractions (with Ben, once they started they just came on top of each other until I started pushing). I will say that I did not enjoy being stuck in transition for 4 hours with her, but I was able to manage it up until a few minutes before the decision was made to go ahead and rupture the sac and get her to come out.
Going slower is most definitely easier on Mama's body. With Ben, after I birthed him and the placenta, there was still over an hour of stitching to do (and a surgery 5 months after that). With Hadassah, I didn't need even 1 stitch. Can I tell you how deeply relieved I was when my doctor announced that no repair needed to be done?? I think my doula and I both cried. Yes, I am still a bit sore from her birth, but nothing like how I was with Ben, and this soreness responds to rest. After the quick birth, I just felt like I had JUST given birth for...well, until I recovered from the surgery.
A longer birthing process does mean less energy is left when you get to the pushing phase. I had planned to deliver Hadassah on all fours, like I did with Ben, but by the time I actually got there, I couldn't hold myself upright anymore and ended up finishing labor on my side and then on my back (which was a position I was actively planning to avoid-but it was what worked at the moment so you just go with it!). And I think I am still recovering (physically) from the effects of labor. I am thankful that I am in a job where I use most of my muscles a lot all day every day-that really helped prepare me for holding various positions for hours at a time (my nurse couldn't believe my arms were holding out as long as they were).
The longer process with Hadassah was very redeeming in the sense that I felt stronger through it. With the quick birth process, I felt like I had completely overestimated myself and was just being a big wimp because I was literally swept up into it and holding on for dear life (and quite literally climbing walls, screaming, etc.). With a longer birth, because I had time to build up to it and really didn't start getting to that point until I had been stuck at 9 cm and 90% effaced for over 3 hours. I still felt in control of myself (and my volume!) up until that point. The nurses and doctors were all very affirming as well in terms of how well I was handling it (well, except for the anesthesiologist who came to put in my IV-I didn't like him! First he threatened me with a central line, then he kind of laughed at my plan of giving birth unmedicated) which was nice. I still feel bad about the noise I was making at the end, but we're going to hope that most mamas get to that point eventually and they are used to it...if you know differently, don't tell me! Haha! Pushing her out was much more painful than pushing Ben out. I think some of that was because I was pushing through scar tissue (and purposely pushing in shorter bursts to try to minimize damage) and some of it was because of my frame of reference-with Ben, the pushing phase was actually when I got some time to breathe between contractions where I hadn't been able to before!
At the end of the day, both labors were completely worth it because the end result was my beautiful babies. I would gladly go through either again for them. If I have a choice, maybe we can go for a happy medium next time?
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| First holding Ben |
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| First glimpses of Hadassah-they had SUCH better post birth policies in place at the hospital when she was born! |
Monday, January 13, 2014
Miracle Birth-Hadassah Grace
As promised, here is my daughters birth story! We really feel the hand of God was evident throughout!
Hadassah came at 39 weeks, 2 days of gestation which was quite long compared to Ben's 36 week 6 days! My hope for her birth was that it could be longer, gentler, and hopefully healing instead of destructive-both physically and emotionally. To facilitate that, the plan was to have no pain meds and to prolong the pushing phase as much as possible since it is impossible to control speed of dilation (and based on Ben's birth we were assuming that could take mere minutes).
As her due date approached there were several false alarms-I was in prodromal/latent phase labor for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. This means I was having decently strong contractions every 3-5 minutes, 24 hours per day but my cervix was stubbornly staying at 3/30%. I had been having contractions for weeks but not regularly all day. I was becoming exhausted because these were difficult or sometimes impossible to sleep through, my abdomen was constantly sore and tender, and I wondered what strength would be required to actually start the process if these weren't enough! Due to my growing fatigue and several other factors, the decision was made to induce her on the 13th. While I felt very comfortable this was the right thing to do, I was also sad and scared of an induction and really praying she would come on her own before then.
On Saturday the 11th I started having a lot of watery discharge. We were concerned that maybe my water broke so even though the contractions were still about the same (aka what most people don't feel until they are actually in labor) we decided to go in for a check. We ate breakfast, packed some things, took Ben to Grandma's house, and the headed in.
When we got to the hospital, they swabbed to check for amniotic fluid, then did a cervix check-3 and 50%, baby at -3 (high). So there was finally a tiny bit of change but not enough for me to get my hopes up. Soon they were back saying they had every doc in the hospital look at my slides and it was inconclusive-it looked kind of like amniotic fluid but not really. So they wanted us to stay and we would recheck in about 2 hours. When they came for the recheck, I braced myself to hear "unchanged"-instead, the verdict was a definite 4/50/-3 and the cervix was moving anterior! I was in active labor, finally! It was 3 pm and we were staying!
It took a while to get admitted, mostly because it took 3 people 2 hours and 9 tries to get an IV in! But once we were admitted, they checked me again-5/75/-3. And that's how it went all night-they would check me every 2-3 hours and find a centimeter or so of change, maybe a little effacement. Just very slow and gradual but something always changed! As the hours ticked away, I was so thrilled-this was the part we couldn't control but also the part we think did the most damage last time, and it was happening slowly and steadily! I walked, rocked on a birthing ball, etc-but the crazy thing was, there was a bit more pressure than what I had been having for weeks but really not much, even as we approached 6, 7, 8 cm. Both my doula and nurse said they felt like they didn't have anything to do because I was calm, comfortable, still talking and laughing during contractions even as they started to get strong enough to trigger early decels.
Josh and my doula had been asleep for several hours when the intensity noticeably changed. Transition! I thought, excited because though I knew this meant the really tough and painful part was coming, it also meant we were almost done. As I said, I truly was thankful as the hours ticked away, but we were at a little over 12 now and I was starting to get exhausted from being up for days as well as shaky from lack of food.
Well, things kept getting more intense, I got checked and was 9/90/-2. Josh and my doula woke up to help, and we labored on. We soon realized I was stuck-my cervix did not change in over 4 hours (yes, of transition) and Hadassah was not moving down. I was not at the point of screaming despair and terror like with my last birth, though by then I was in just as much pain. My doctor suggested breaking my water (oh, forgot to tell you-it wasn't broken before!) to get her to drop her head. This would make things more intense but I didn't care-I was already having to yell during contractions and I could tell I was rapidly approaching my energy reserve endpoint and knew we needed to do something. So we waited for a break between contractions so I could roll onto my back, then my doctor ruptured my membranes. Boy, she wasn't kidding about increased intensity! My body took over and pushed, though I was in control enough to do short pushes instead of long sustained ones, and I was also able to stop between contractions. Even still, she was out in 15 minutes and her head and body came out in a single push just as I was absolutely sure I could take no more. I have decided that the sounds I make during this phase of labor most closely resemble a dying rhinoceros and tried between contractions to apologize.
And then she was here and on my belly and it was all absolutely worth it! I had to have an extensive exam of all of my internal and external tissues to assess the damage-and that was NOT fun-but the results of the exam made me cry-grade 1 lacs throughout! Nothing that required stitching or repair of any type but just enough to restore bloodflow to old scar tissue. Hopefully that plus Hadassah's passage through will jump start a healing process!
The reason she wasn't coming down is that she had a short cord which was wrapped around her body twice. So short they could only get her to my belly button while we waited for it to stop pulsing and be cut!
Really God's intervention was evident throughout the process but highlights to me
1. Even though it was a false alarm, the thought my water had broken got us into the hospital. If left to how I felt, we would have started heading in during transition.
2. There were 17 hours between the official start of active labor and delivery. Everything had time to stretch!
3. My doctor is so awesome-she came in even though it was the weekend and she wasn't on call. She labored with me through the night, providing counter pressure, reassurance, and the right call on breaking my waters.
4. No new tearing! I am on modified bedrest for a month to facilitate healing of old wounds but after that we are very hopeful!
5. My daughter is beautiful!
6. Other than transition and pushing, the word I would use to describe Hadassah's birth is "gentle." I kept wondering if I was actually in labor-all the way up to 8 cm! And even during transition and pushing there were breaks and moments to breathe and gather myself in between (this did not happen last time and it is soooo helpful!). And yes, I birthed unmedicated.
Thank you all for your prayers-they were heard and answered beyond what I dated to hope for!
Hadassah came at 39 weeks, 2 days of gestation which was quite long compared to Ben's 36 week 6 days! My hope for her birth was that it could be longer, gentler, and hopefully healing instead of destructive-both physically and emotionally. To facilitate that, the plan was to have no pain meds and to prolong the pushing phase as much as possible since it is impossible to control speed of dilation (and based on Ben's birth we were assuming that could take mere minutes).
As her due date approached there were several false alarms-I was in prodromal/latent phase labor for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy. This means I was having decently strong contractions every 3-5 minutes, 24 hours per day but my cervix was stubbornly staying at 3/30%. I had been having contractions for weeks but not regularly all day. I was becoming exhausted because these were difficult or sometimes impossible to sleep through, my abdomen was constantly sore and tender, and I wondered what strength would be required to actually start the process if these weren't enough! Due to my growing fatigue and several other factors, the decision was made to induce her on the 13th. While I felt very comfortable this was the right thing to do, I was also sad and scared of an induction and really praying she would come on her own before then.
On Saturday the 11th I started having a lot of watery discharge. We were concerned that maybe my water broke so even though the contractions were still about the same (aka what most people don't feel until they are actually in labor) we decided to go in for a check. We ate breakfast, packed some things, took Ben to Grandma's house, and the headed in.
When we got to the hospital, they swabbed to check for amniotic fluid, then did a cervix check-3 and 50%, baby at -3 (high). So there was finally a tiny bit of change but not enough for me to get my hopes up. Soon they were back saying they had every doc in the hospital look at my slides and it was inconclusive-it looked kind of like amniotic fluid but not really. So they wanted us to stay and we would recheck in about 2 hours. When they came for the recheck, I braced myself to hear "unchanged"-instead, the verdict was a definite 4/50/-3 and the cervix was moving anterior! I was in active labor, finally! It was 3 pm and we were staying!
It took a while to get admitted, mostly because it took 3 people 2 hours and 9 tries to get an IV in! But once we were admitted, they checked me again-5/75/-3. And that's how it went all night-they would check me every 2-3 hours and find a centimeter or so of change, maybe a little effacement. Just very slow and gradual but something always changed! As the hours ticked away, I was so thrilled-this was the part we couldn't control but also the part we think did the most damage last time, and it was happening slowly and steadily! I walked, rocked on a birthing ball, etc-but the crazy thing was, there was a bit more pressure than what I had been having for weeks but really not much, even as we approached 6, 7, 8 cm. Both my doula and nurse said they felt like they didn't have anything to do because I was calm, comfortable, still talking and laughing during contractions even as they started to get strong enough to trigger early decels.
Josh and my doula had been asleep for several hours when the intensity noticeably changed. Transition! I thought, excited because though I knew this meant the really tough and painful part was coming, it also meant we were almost done. As I said, I truly was thankful as the hours ticked away, but we were at a little over 12 now and I was starting to get exhausted from being up for days as well as shaky from lack of food.
Well, things kept getting more intense, I got checked and was 9/90/-2. Josh and my doula woke up to help, and we labored on. We soon realized I was stuck-my cervix did not change in over 4 hours (yes, of transition) and Hadassah was not moving down. I was not at the point of screaming despair and terror like with my last birth, though by then I was in just as much pain. My doctor suggested breaking my water (oh, forgot to tell you-it wasn't broken before!) to get her to drop her head. This would make things more intense but I didn't care-I was already having to yell during contractions and I could tell I was rapidly approaching my energy reserve endpoint and knew we needed to do something. So we waited for a break between contractions so I could roll onto my back, then my doctor ruptured my membranes. Boy, she wasn't kidding about increased intensity! My body took over and pushed, though I was in control enough to do short pushes instead of long sustained ones, and I was also able to stop between contractions. Even still, she was out in 15 minutes and her head and body came out in a single push just as I was absolutely sure I could take no more. I have decided that the sounds I make during this phase of labor most closely resemble a dying rhinoceros and tried between contractions to apologize.
And then she was here and on my belly and it was all absolutely worth it! I had to have an extensive exam of all of my internal and external tissues to assess the damage-and that was NOT fun-but the results of the exam made me cry-grade 1 lacs throughout! Nothing that required stitching or repair of any type but just enough to restore bloodflow to old scar tissue. Hopefully that plus Hadassah's passage through will jump start a healing process!
The reason she wasn't coming down is that she had a short cord which was wrapped around her body twice. So short they could only get her to my belly button while we waited for it to stop pulsing and be cut!
Really God's intervention was evident throughout the process but highlights to me
1. Even though it was a false alarm, the thought my water had broken got us into the hospital. If left to how I felt, we would have started heading in during transition.
2. There were 17 hours between the official start of active labor and delivery. Everything had time to stretch!
3. My doctor is so awesome-she came in even though it was the weekend and she wasn't on call. She labored with me through the night, providing counter pressure, reassurance, and the right call on breaking my waters.
4. No new tearing! I am on modified bedrest for a month to facilitate healing of old wounds but after that we are very hopeful!
5. My daughter is beautiful!
6. Other than transition and pushing, the word I would use to describe Hadassah's birth is "gentle." I kept wondering if I was actually in labor-all the way up to 8 cm! And even during transition and pushing there were breaks and moments to breathe and gather myself in between (this did not happen last time and it is soooo helpful!). And yes, I birthed unmedicated.
Thank you all for your prayers-they were heard and answered beyond what I dated to hope for!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Waiting on the World to Change
The downside of having Ben a little more than 3 weeks early is that gestating Hadassah feels like it is taking FOREVER-even though I still have a week and a half or so until my due date! I think what is making this more challenging/frustrating is that we were really hoping she would come similarly early-due to the postpartum complications and subsequent repair surgery I had last time, it would really be ideal for her to be on the smaller side. Ben would have been at least 10 pounds if he had gone to term, so the fact that we are closing in on that with her is a little scary! I keep trying to relax about it and remind myself that God is in control, both of when she comes and of her size, but it's a little hard. Another thing that is making it challenging is that I have been having early labor level contractions (aka strong enough to keep me from sleeping much, too strong to ignore, but not strong enough to change my cervix quickly and I can still work and interact with Ben through them) very regularly (every 5-10 minutes or so, 24 hours a day) for about 5 days now. We are most likely going to induce at 39 weeks if she hasn't come on her own by then (everyone pray she comes on her own by then!). This is not a choice I ever thought I would make-I am normally a big fan of letting babies choose their own birthdays. However, given the complications last time and my desire to avoid similar complications this time and hopefully emerge semi-intact, we think this is wisest. We are 100% sure of our dates (part of the consequences last time mean there was only really one possible time she could have been conceived) and the bigger she is, the more the risk for long term consequences.
Thoughts on the waiting...aside from the obvious discomfort factor! Haha! (I don't remember being quite this uncomfortable with Ben)It is interesting to have absolutely no control over this. There is nothing I can do to "make" my body go into labor, or to control how and when it happens. I have thought through so many scenarios-knowing that even though this early part is lasting forever, once it finally kicks into active labor, things could go even more quickly than last time. This is emphasized by the fact that we would ideally like to do something with Ben besides having Josh hold him during delivery! It's so hard to know-when will it be time to call someone? Will we have time to take him somewhere? I just have to wait and trust that it will all work out the way it is supposed to! This is very difficult for the part of me that likes to plan for all contingencies and "have my ducks in a row."
I am wondering how/if we will know when it is time. I'm starting to ignore even pretty hard contractions-well, not ignore them, but something that would have (and did) sent me to the hospital to get checked a week ago is just a cue to breathe and keep going now. Hopefully we'll figure it out in time!
There are so few surprises left in life-true surprises. In some ways it's kind of neat to not know exactly when she is coming-at least when I'm not so consumed with being bored of being pregnant! :-)I am doing my best to treasure these last few days as a family of 3. To enjoy my uninterrupted time with Ben, enjoy snuggling with him for naps on the weekends (yeah, I could leave him in the bed or I could stay and nap with him-guess what I pick every time?? Excuse to take a nap? Definitely!), playing with him when I get home, and morning nursing/snuggles. I am sure I will still do a lot of these things when she is here, but it will be different for all of us-a new normal will have to be established. Of course, I am nervous! But also excited and as ready as I think I can be.
Hopefully the next post will be her birth story! Prayers and encouragement are always appreciated! And I am an open book-if anyone wants to challenge me or know more of our reasons for planning an induction a week early, feel free to ask.
38 weeks with Hadassah and (right) 36.5 with Ben (4 days before he was borh)-she looks smaller, right???
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