Saturday, November 17, 2012

Motherhood

Some days, I think I must be insane. Motherhood has taken a lot from me:
My sleep
My time
My body (though I hope after my procedure on Monday to no longer feel like I gave birth yesterday!)
My looks (the ones I was accustomed to at least!)
My work/life balance (now I feel like no matter how much I'm at home, it's never enough!)
My money
In short: I will never be the same.
And yet...I LOVE being a mother. It is seriously one of the best "jobs" I have ever had in my life. The overwhelming thought in my mind shortly after Ben's birth was, "I'm so GLAD that I am at this stage of my life now." Granted...I have always wanted to be a mother. In fact, when I was a child and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, that's what I would say most of the time. You could say that maybe that was because it's what my Mom did, or what I thought "normal" women did when they grew up...and maybe there's a bit of that in there. But deep down, I think there has always been a pull on me to be a mother.
I know. It's not normal to wake up 9 times in one night (yeah, that's more than once an hour for those of you who, like me, are math challenged and/or short on sleep) and still deeply love and be pleased with the offspring whose requests for nutrition pulled you out of slumber. It's not normal to change the 12th poopy diaper of the day and think that this poopy diaper maker is SO much more wonderful than all the others. It's not normal for your heart to sing at a smile or giggle. Except I think maybe it is for mothers.
It is not all fun and games and delight, don't get me wrong! I'm exhausted, and there are times when I am very tempted to feel sorry for myself and resent the fact that there is literally zero time in the day (or night!) right now that is just for me. And yet...
I love being a mother.
 I mean, come on now-this face is irresistable!



Sunday, November 11, 2012

5 Month Update!

Somehow, when I wasn't looking, my baby boy turned 5 months old! I know they say time flies when you have kids, but I honestly think "they" (whoever this nebulous "they" is) underestimated how fast. I still feel like the mother of a newborn, but in all reality, he is growing up more each day!
New things he is doing:
"Play time" is acceptable. He'll do tummy time or back time on the play mat. He can lift his chest up and do mini pushups when he's doing tummy time, and now that he has figured out how to grasp things and pull them toward him, he is much more okay with being down. Only for short periods of time still (I think he'd be fine with still being held 24/7) but I think his dad appreciates being able to put him down for a little while during the day.
He LOVES his jumper. We're going to blame his cousin Caleb for being a bad influence and making him want the thing! lol! But he will literally jump around in it for 20-40 minutes quite happily. Again, I think Daddy enjoys the free time, and Ben LOVES the lights and music. It's his Christmas present, which I know we gave him quite early-but I figure he's not going to remember Christmas this year anyway, and I want to get the maximum enjoyment out of this thing (kids grow out of toys so fast!). We got it for a great deal, and it's pretty cute...rain forest instead of cousin Caleb's zoo.
He JUST figured out how to roll over on purpose. He's not using it as a form of travel yet, but he can go from front to back and vice versa. I missed seeing it the first time because I was at work (the first of many "firsts" I will miss, I'm afraid!) but have since seen him doing it.
He is ticklish. :-) Like his dad, the left side of his body is more ticklish than the right. His giggles are soooo adorable.
His smile melts my heart. Well, that's not new...but I still love it.
He squeals with delight. Which is awesome except when he's close to your ear! I know this is a stage that kids go through but wow...is it ever shrill!
He is still refusing a bottle and eating more at night to make up for it...so most nights we wake up an average of 4-6 times. Mommy is tired! But he is growing well and seems pretty healthy, so it's worth it. He's still in our bed, and I'm not even going to try to get him out of it until he's eating enough solids to get enough calories that way to make it for longer stretches at night (strange sentence-sorry!).
I truly can't believe my little man is growing up so fast. I feel like he changes so much each day and is growing up and getting more fun each day as well. My heart doesn't know whether to mourn the loss of my tiny baby or rejoice as we see more and more of the person he will be. Ah, motherhood!
Josh and I are doing well. Work is getting busier-I'm about to hire my second therapist. I'm having surgery to repair postpartum complications on November 19th, and I'm hoping to be able to become more active/return to exercise and do more than just survive one work week at a time once I have recovered from that! We are praying that will finally end the incredible pain I've been experiencing for 5 months now. Prayers and well wishes would be deeply appreciated!
 Tummy Time!!!
 He has the craziest hair sometimes...stick straight (and sticking straight up!) when it's dry, curly when wet.
 This smile always melts my heart.
 He thinks drinks are interesting and wants to try whatever Mom is drinking (no, I don't give him Coke Zero...sometimes water, but never Coke Zero!).
First taste of non-milkies as food (he was just licking it...he liked it though...yikes, solids are just around the corner!