So, there is this phenomenon that I've become aware of since having Ben: the mommy wars. Well, actually, I was somewhat aware of it even before he was born, but have become increasingly aware of it since. This is the phenomenon where women criticize each other's parenting styles and even argue/debate, name call, etc. regarding their particular style.
Some of the most common examples:
Cosleeping with your child is the only way to bond and make him/her feel safe through the night! If you don't do it, your child will grow up with insecurity issues! You must not love him/her enough if you insist on putting him/her in a crib alone. VS If you cosleep, you are probably going to smother your child. Even if you are lucky enough not to smother him/her, at the very least you will spoil him/her and never, ever, EVER get him/her out of your bed. If you cosleep, you must not care if you kill your child, and you must not love him/her enough to teach them independence and self soothing.
Picking your child up when he/she cries teaches him/her that you can be trusted. Strong attachment now leads to more independence later. Do your best to provide soothing in these early stages; if you don't want to do this for whatever reason, you must be selfish and put your own needs or wants above those of your child. VS Your child needs to learn to self soothe. If you don't teach him/her now, when will you? You must not care whether he/she is ever able to become an independent adult.
Cloth diapering is best for the environment, keeps scary chemicals away from your baby's genitals, and is much cheaper! If you don't do it, you must not care about any of the aforementioned. VS You must be insane if you cloth diaper. Seriously. They have technology for that, and some things are just worth spending the money on.
Pacifiers/bottles/anything but the breast for soothing is evil! VS Dude, are you nuts? Let your kid have any of those that will work to get him/her to stop crying.
Anything in the medical profession is evil! (meds, vaccines, circumcision, etc.) If you enforce these on your child and/or yourself, you clearly don't care about all the risks and just are blindly following the lead of people who don't know what they are doing. VS You are insane if you don't use modern medicine for the betterment of your child. Are you trying to bring back polio?
STOP!!! Good heavens, isn't parenthood hard and crazy and scary enough? And has anyone taken into consideration that children are not cookies, so a cookie cutter approach to parenthood is about as likely to work as a cookie cutter approach to anything else that involves humans (ie not at all)? Why can't we have civilized discussions and mutually support each other as we each try to make choices that are right for our family with this particular child?
I think the reason is that for some reason, we humans have a tendency to believe that if someone makes a different choice than we did, that is a silent condemnation of our choice. Then we feel that we have to defend the choice that we made. I find myself doing this sometimes. I'll mention something...say the fact that we cloth diaper...and even if the other person says nothing or something neutral, I feel the need to "make excuses" and explain why (basically: we are cheap, they are cute, and I find it kind of fun). My personality is not a confrontational one, so I don't tend to get into arguments about these sorts of things, but I do feel the need to sort of apologetically explain myself. But why did I assume they had a negative thought about it in the first place? I certainly don't think they are terrible people/parents because they use disposable diapers! Why can't I extend the same grace to them (in terms of what they think when they hear about my parenting choices) that I extend to myself when I hear about their choices?
I think the mommy wars hurt all of us...they make dialogue difficult or impossible, which makes it hard for us to make informed decisions about some of these issues. What would it look like if we were able to educate each other in a judgment free way (ie I did this in this way because xyz, and this was my experience)? This requires something from both sides: a presentation in a judgment free way from one mommy, and a lack of innate defensiveness on the part of the other mommy. Both are somewhat against the grain of our natural tendency, though! But surely it is possible.
Did this make any sense? Do you struggle with this, or am I the only one? :-) I actually think this can apply to choices outside of motherhood as well-career choices, schooling choices, lifestyle choices...as if there is some magical approach to life that fixes it all and is the "best." Maybe there is, maybe there isn't-but I really want to be more open to learning and I want to be able to share what I have learned in a way that educates without making others feel that I think they have to do what I did to do it "right."
Friday, September 21, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Big boy!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
3 months...
Ben just turned 3 months old! It is hard to believe it has really been that long that we have had this little guy on the "outside"...that already we have come to the end of the "fourth trimester"...that it has almost been a whole year that we have been on this parenthood journey. It's also a little scary for me...because every parenting book/article/magazine etc. out there says that it is impossible to hold a baby too much for the first 3 months...that their needs and wants are synonymous...just do what the baby wants and what feels natural. Even resources that are pretty gung ho about making kids be as independent as possible as early as possible make an exception for the first 3 months. And now that period is over! Now, I am well aware that each child is different and needs different parenting. I'm also aware that we are probably not going to "do it right" all the time with any of our kids (sadly! I so wish we could!)...but it feels to me like now we are entering the tricky part...the part that is less clear, and where it is more likely that we will mess up more with our parenting decisions!
Ben has become much more animated this last month...he smiles frequently now, and has started to giggle occasionally (I try REALLY hard to get pictures and/or video, but he thinks the silvery box is interesting and so always stops whatever cute thing he is doing to look at it). He also has long "conversations with us that consist of some very animated smiling and cooing on his part and a lot of smiling, cooing, and laughing (and just plain adoration) back on our parts! I think he also recognizes voices. He also gets very excited when he can tell I am getting ready to nurse him, which is pretty funny to see!
He has also become a little more fussy/hard to soothe this month. I'm not sure why (and it seems most resources say 3 months should start a less fussy stage?). My 2 theories are that it could be a reaction to the change of Mommy going back to work or it could be teething related, maybe? He seems really young for that but he does have some hard little nubs under his gums and has been chewing things and drooling, so maybe.
He is also HUGE! So huge that the swing doesn't swing with him in it anymore :/ It's kinda hard because he is still a very young baby, but things made to soothe young babies are now getting too big for him! It's even a little hard to fit him in the Moby in the "newborn cradle hold" because he is so tall, but his legs are not ready for the regular hold yet!
We started ECing this month! (Elimination Communication...basically "potty training" the parents to know when their baby needs to go) We are doing it VERY part time...as in my goal is just to catch the poops in the potty. I feel like a terrible mother for saying this, but I can't tell when he needs to pee because I am not with him enough during the day. But he makes the poops easier on us because he always goes right when he wakes up and often strains and groans at other times. So I started just taking him in the morning when he first wakes up. The first few times I figured it was luck (and counted myself lucky that he didn't mind being dangled over the toilet to go potty!) but now anytime someone holds him over the potty, he tries to go to the bathroom. A few times we have misread the signs, so he just manages some gas passage and/or pee, but it's really interesting how quickly he caught on (especially since we are NOT doing it full time!). Once or twice he has even woken up with a dry diaper (he did this today) and then done SEVERAL sizable pees and poops in the potty. Mommy needs to get better at aiming the pee, though...
Anyway, we just love our little guy so much and I think he's getting cuter by the day! I know I'm biased, but look at these pics and then let me know if I am wrong!! :-)
Ben has become much more animated this last month...he smiles frequently now, and has started to giggle occasionally (I try REALLY hard to get pictures and/or video, but he thinks the silvery box is interesting and so always stops whatever cute thing he is doing to look at it). He also has long "conversations with us that consist of some very animated smiling and cooing on his part and a lot of smiling, cooing, and laughing (and just plain adoration) back on our parts! I think he also recognizes voices. He also gets very excited when he can tell I am getting ready to nurse him, which is pretty funny to see!
He has also become a little more fussy/hard to soothe this month. I'm not sure why (and it seems most resources say 3 months should start a less fussy stage?). My 2 theories are that it could be a reaction to the change of Mommy going back to work or it could be teething related, maybe? He seems really young for that but he does have some hard little nubs under his gums and has been chewing things and drooling, so maybe.
He is also HUGE! So huge that the swing doesn't swing with him in it anymore :/ It's kinda hard because he is still a very young baby, but things made to soothe young babies are now getting too big for him! It's even a little hard to fit him in the Moby in the "newborn cradle hold" because he is so tall, but his legs are not ready for the regular hold yet!
We started ECing this month! (Elimination Communication...basically "potty training" the parents to know when their baby needs to go) We are doing it VERY part time...as in my goal is just to catch the poops in the potty. I feel like a terrible mother for saying this, but I can't tell when he needs to pee because I am not with him enough during the day. But he makes the poops easier on us because he always goes right when he wakes up and often strains and groans at other times. So I started just taking him in the morning when he first wakes up. The first few times I figured it was luck (and counted myself lucky that he didn't mind being dangled over the toilet to go potty!) but now anytime someone holds him over the potty, he tries to go to the bathroom. A few times we have misread the signs, so he just manages some gas passage and/or pee, but it's really interesting how quickly he caught on (especially since we are NOT doing it full time!). Once or twice he has even woken up with a dry diaper (he did this today) and then done SEVERAL sizable pees and poops in the potty. Mommy needs to get better at aiming the pee, though...
Anyway, we just love our little guy so much and I think he's getting cuter by the day! I know I'm biased, but look at these pics and then let me know if I am wrong!! :-)
 |
| Cooing |
 |
| This is a 12 month size outfit |
 |
| Utterly adorable! |
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Sleep...
Sleep is a funny thing. Or maybe my relationship with it right now is funny. Or maybe both. Or, possibly, neither is funny, but I am so sleep deprived that I think everything is funny! Ahem...
So, I used to be the person who "needed" 8-9 hours of sleep to function well. I could "survive" on 5-6 for a few days, but then "had" to go back to at least 8-9 or I would start feeling sick. I never pulled all-nighters in college. I did a few semi all nighters in PT school (study till midnight, take a nap, get up again at 4 AM to study more...thank goodness for an awesome study partner!) but did NOT like it and didn't feel that great afterward.
Then, along came a baby! The sleep deprivation started long before Ben was born. In the first trimester, I had to go to the bathroom at LEAST 3 times per night. Plus, I often felt too nauseated to rest well. Second trimester was better-only woke up about once a night on average there. And then, oh, then...the dreaded third trimester! Yeahhh...between being unable to be comfortable, my beached-whaleness making any movement a huge effort, and a nearly full grown baby happily pushing on my trampoline...errr, bladder...there wasn't much sleep then.
And then the birth! Even though my actual labor was short, because of all the decels and issues prior to labor, I did not sleep at all the night before he was born. I didn't sleep much the night after, either. But there must have been some GOOOOD hormones flowing, because I wasn't really all that tired at the time.
Ben actually slept really well when he was first born, and because I was on maternity leave, I could just rest when he did and we could make our "schedules" by what his and my body requested. It was pretty great. I honestly felt WAY less tired during the newborn time than during the third trimester.
But now, the real world has returned and I have had to introduce Ben to 3 concepts that he does NOT like:
1. Schedules. Specifically, a morning schedule. I think my baby might be a night owl. Trust me, I try hard to put him to bed early, but it almost never works. He just isn't sleepy until 9 or so at night most nights. This would be fine, except that he needs to eat his breakfast around 6:45 in order to allow me to feed him, feed me, put on clothes, get the milk pumping supplies together, and get out the door (hopefully also brush my hair and teeth!). He does NOT like being woken up this early...if I leave him alone (on a morning when I don't have to work) he will sleep until somewhere between 8 and 10 AM, so 6:30 wakeup calls are not welcomed at all! I think they make him grumpier throughout the day (even though he almost always goes back to sleep after eating). This leads me to question: which is more important? Letting his body rest on its own schedule, or him eating breakfast directly from me instead of from a bottle? I really want him to have as few bottles as possible, but it is sad to see him so grumpy when he wakes up! :-(
2. Mommy being gone all day. Apparently he has several meltdowns per day. I'm pretty sure nursing would fix most of those, but the bottle is a poor substitute. What makes me feel even worse is that I know he doesn't have object permanence yet, so he doesn't understand that I still exist, let alone that I am coming back. He thinks he has been abandoned. When I do come back, he gulps hungrily and needs to nurse for a while, but keeps pulling off to give me these delighted milky smiles (which makes a big mess everywhere!). I think they are adorable, but it's almost like he is just SO excited to see me because he thought I was gone forever! Ouch.
3. No "on demand" nursing during the day. He will eat from a bottle, but it is clearly not his preference. I don't want it to be his preference, but it's hard for him...he's used to just being offered "the source" whenever he requests it. That's still how it works anytime I am home, but I'm sure it's hard for him to understand why he is being offered a substitute. He seems to be reverse cycling (eating the bare minimum from the bottle, then making up for it by eating a lot in the evening and waking up more often at night to feed as well).
Anyway, I feel super bad for him...and the fatigue is slowly catching up with me as well. I have to get up at 6:30, I can't nap during the day, and we're eating probably every 1.5 hours or so at night. Whew! This too shall pass, but holy cow...working with an infant is WAY different than maternity leave with an infant in so many ways. Hopefully I will get used to this new level of fatigue soon. Until then, my excuse for crazy or absentminded behavior is, "Oh...oops. Haha, I guess I'm just as tired as I thought I was!"
This morning's schedule actually worked perfectly (for Ben)....maybe it can become a habit! He started groaning and crying around 6:15, so I let him wake up (when he's in that state I can let him wake up OR put him back to bed). For some crazy reason his diaper was dry (???? I put that diaper on him around 8:30 the night before) so I took him potty, where he peed and pooped like a champ (I need to learn how to "aim" him for the pee...wowza). Then we nursed and he went back to sleep by 7. There was very little fussing and complaining. Hopefully he's happier for Daddy this morning...we'll find out!
Anyway, I am not complaining. He is so worth it! But this is my advance notice/apology...if I act weird, let me know so I can apologize at the time too! But it's most likely the sleep deprived brain talking/acting. :P All that being said, I am frequently surprised by how functional I feel on such little sleep. Not sure if it's new mama hormones, grace, or just that I don't actually "need" as much sleep as I previously thought...either way, I'll take it! And those of you who are looking forward to new little ones...definitely do rest when you can, but know that you will be able to do it, and it is absolutely worth it!
So, I used to be the person who "needed" 8-9 hours of sleep to function well. I could "survive" on 5-6 for a few days, but then "had" to go back to at least 8-9 or I would start feeling sick. I never pulled all-nighters in college. I did a few semi all nighters in PT school (study till midnight, take a nap, get up again at 4 AM to study more...thank goodness for an awesome study partner!) but did NOT like it and didn't feel that great afterward.
Then, along came a baby! The sleep deprivation started long before Ben was born. In the first trimester, I had to go to the bathroom at LEAST 3 times per night. Plus, I often felt too nauseated to rest well. Second trimester was better-only woke up about once a night on average there. And then, oh, then...the dreaded third trimester! Yeahhh...between being unable to be comfortable, my beached-whaleness making any movement a huge effort, and a nearly full grown baby happily pushing on my trampoline...errr, bladder...there wasn't much sleep then.
And then the birth! Even though my actual labor was short, because of all the decels and issues prior to labor, I did not sleep at all the night before he was born. I didn't sleep much the night after, either. But there must have been some GOOOOD hormones flowing, because I wasn't really all that tired at the time.
Ben actually slept really well when he was first born, and because I was on maternity leave, I could just rest when he did and we could make our "schedules" by what his and my body requested. It was pretty great. I honestly felt WAY less tired during the newborn time than during the third trimester.
But now, the real world has returned and I have had to introduce Ben to 3 concepts that he does NOT like:
1. Schedules. Specifically, a morning schedule. I think my baby might be a night owl. Trust me, I try hard to put him to bed early, but it almost never works. He just isn't sleepy until 9 or so at night most nights. This would be fine, except that he needs to eat his breakfast around 6:45 in order to allow me to feed him, feed me, put on clothes, get the milk pumping supplies together, and get out the door (hopefully also brush my hair and teeth!). He does NOT like being woken up this early...if I leave him alone (on a morning when I don't have to work) he will sleep until somewhere between 8 and 10 AM, so 6:30 wakeup calls are not welcomed at all! I think they make him grumpier throughout the day (even though he almost always goes back to sleep after eating). This leads me to question: which is more important? Letting his body rest on its own schedule, or him eating breakfast directly from me instead of from a bottle? I really want him to have as few bottles as possible, but it is sad to see him so grumpy when he wakes up! :-(
2. Mommy being gone all day. Apparently he has several meltdowns per day. I'm pretty sure nursing would fix most of those, but the bottle is a poor substitute. What makes me feel even worse is that I know he doesn't have object permanence yet, so he doesn't understand that I still exist, let alone that I am coming back. He thinks he has been abandoned. When I do come back, he gulps hungrily and needs to nurse for a while, but keeps pulling off to give me these delighted milky smiles (which makes a big mess everywhere!). I think they are adorable, but it's almost like he is just SO excited to see me because he thought I was gone forever! Ouch.
3. No "on demand" nursing during the day. He will eat from a bottle, but it is clearly not his preference. I don't want it to be his preference, but it's hard for him...he's used to just being offered "the source" whenever he requests it. That's still how it works anytime I am home, but I'm sure it's hard for him to understand why he is being offered a substitute. He seems to be reverse cycling (eating the bare minimum from the bottle, then making up for it by eating a lot in the evening and waking up more often at night to feed as well).
Anyway, I feel super bad for him...and the fatigue is slowly catching up with me as well. I have to get up at 6:30, I can't nap during the day, and we're eating probably every 1.5 hours or so at night. Whew! This too shall pass, but holy cow...working with an infant is WAY different than maternity leave with an infant in so many ways. Hopefully I will get used to this new level of fatigue soon. Until then, my excuse for crazy or absentminded behavior is, "Oh...oops. Haha, I guess I'm just as tired as I thought I was!"
This morning's schedule actually worked perfectly (for Ben)....maybe it can become a habit! He started groaning and crying around 6:15, so I let him wake up (when he's in that state I can let him wake up OR put him back to bed). For some crazy reason his diaper was dry (???? I put that diaper on him around 8:30 the night before) so I took him potty, where he peed and pooped like a champ (I need to learn how to "aim" him for the pee...wowza). Then we nursed and he went back to sleep by 7. There was very little fussing and complaining. Hopefully he's happier for Daddy this morning...we'll find out!
Anyway, I am not complaining. He is so worth it! But this is my advance notice/apology...if I act weird, let me know so I can apologize at the time too! But it's most likely the sleep deprived brain talking/acting. :P All that being said, I am frequently surprised by how functional I feel on such little sleep. Not sure if it's new mama hormones, grace, or just that I don't actually "need" as much sleep as I previously thought...either way, I'll take it! And those of you who are looking forward to new little ones...definitely do rest when you can, but know that you will be able to do it, and it is absolutely worth it!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Crunchy Mama?
I got called a crunchy mama the other day. I didn't really feel that it fit. I know and admire several women who I deem to be crunchy mamas, but I never considered myself to be one of them! I guess I associate the term with a very specific type of woman and lifestyle, and do not feel that I live up to it. It was pointed out that I exhibit several behaviors that are often typical of a crunchy (or "natural") mama.
1. I birthed Ben without any type of pain medication. Well...yes, that is true. I did a lot of research before our birth and was pretty convinced that an epidural was not the best decision for us. I went into the birth experience wanting to do it without chemical assistance, but open to whatever was needed. As it turned out, the labor was so quick that I wouldn't have been able to get an epidural even if I asked for it right when things started getting intense. To be honest, with the level of intensity that we experienced, I would have gone for one had it been an option (I begged Josh to call the nurse and tell her I needed one)! Now I am glad that the whole thing was unmedicated (other than some IV antibiotics) and hope to do it again. Hopefully having "survived" a crazy and intense labor once will give me strength to draw on and remove the fear that was the hardest part of the last labor (and the part that made me want an epidural)!
2. We use cloth diapers. Also true. We originally looked into cloth diapers because I am, as noted in other places on this blog, allergic to spending money. Cloth diapers are much more up front than buying a bag of disposables, but over the "diapering life" of a child, you save a lot of money! And, since we hope to have more children and cloth diaper them, we will save exponentially with each child. Ben is almost 3 months old, and most people we know spend about $100 per month on disposables....so we have almost made our money back and everything from here on out will be savings! Plus, cloth diapers are so extremely cute! Now that we have been using them for a while, Josh and I both have discovered that we actually enjoy cloth diapering. Both of us find the smell of disposable diapers and wipes to be unpleasant (I was previously unaware that they had a smell, but they do!) and like it when Ben just smells like himself (not him plus diaper odor). I actually kind of even like laundering them (I know, I'm probably crazy). I honestly don't find them more difficult to use than disposables. Now, I am fully aware this may change when Ben starts eating solids!
3. We cosleep. Yep, sure do...have since he was born. Now this is purely due to my laziness. Ben's room is all the way across the house (not far, really, but still...) and sleep is so precious. By cosleeping I can stay mostly asleep even while feeding him in the middle of the night. I have done extensive research on the pros and cons of cosleeping as well as how to do it safely. Unlike the previous two, I don't necessarily plan to do this with future children. Instead, my intent is to do whatever sleeping arrangement gets all of us the most sleep possible. I'm aware that this one is probably the most controversial of the 3 so far (the first two may draw some "You must be crazy" thoughts, but people get very animated on both sides of the cosleeping debate), but the bottom line is, we do it safely, I feel much more rested than I expected to feel, and since I am the breadwinner in this house and also the only one who can feed Ben, I HAVE to get as much sleep as possible. I am not necessarily a proponent of sharing a bed with a toddler! We intend to get him into his own bed long before that. However, as long as he (physiologically and developmentally speaking) needs to eat multiple times at night, I think he will probably stay in our bed. We are working on getting him to sleep alone for naps and for the first part of the night (this way I can get some time with Josh and I don't go to sleep at 8 PM...though I bet I could!).
4. We baby wear. This one is mostly because I don't like to hear him cry, but it's nice to have hands available sometimes to do things like eating, laundry, playing games with my spouse, etc. I guess you could say it's a matter of laziness too! :-)
5. I breastfeed. This is a combination of "I'm lazy" and "I'm allergic to spending money." Also a knowledge that breastmilk is so ridiculously better for Ben than anything else out there. Plus, my body seems happy to produce an abundance! I am very thankful that we don't have supply problems, and are even able to give some of it to a friend for her adopted preemie son.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that all of these behaviors are done because we are trying to save money, rest as much as possible/be lazy, or because we just feel they are the right parenting decisions for us. I deeply admire the women that I feel to be crunchy mamas...maybe I don't think I am one because I work, and that doesn't fit my picture of a crunchy mama? I also think I don't fully fit the picture because none of these decisions were born of a deep conviction that this decision is best for the environment or the only way to raise our children. Instead, these are our decisions for raising this child, and I feel open to other ideas (with future children, or maybe even with this child as he gets older). Perhaps I'm just weird in that I don't think there is one right way to parent, or even one right way to parent within a family! I fully expect to make separate decisions for each child, and I have no illusions that what is right for us will necessarily work for another family (though I am happy to talk to any of my friends about how these things have worked for us so far as they try to make their decisions!). Maybe I can call myself a lightly toasted mama?
1. I birthed Ben without any type of pain medication. Well...yes, that is true. I did a lot of research before our birth and was pretty convinced that an epidural was not the best decision for us. I went into the birth experience wanting to do it without chemical assistance, but open to whatever was needed. As it turned out, the labor was so quick that I wouldn't have been able to get an epidural even if I asked for it right when things started getting intense. To be honest, with the level of intensity that we experienced, I would have gone for one had it been an option (I begged Josh to call the nurse and tell her I needed one)! Now I am glad that the whole thing was unmedicated (other than some IV antibiotics) and hope to do it again. Hopefully having "survived" a crazy and intense labor once will give me strength to draw on and remove the fear that was the hardest part of the last labor (and the part that made me want an epidural)!
2. We use cloth diapers. Also true. We originally looked into cloth diapers because I am, as noted in other places on this blog, allergic to spending money. Cloth diapers are much more up front than buying a bag of disposables, but over the "diapering life" of a child, you save a lot of money! And, since we hope to have more children and cloth diaper them, we will save exponentially with each child. Ben is almost 3 months old, and most people we know spend about $100 per month on disposables....so we have almost made our money back and everything from here on out will be savings! Plus, cloth diapers are so extremely cute! Now that we have been using them for a while, Josh and I both have discovered that we actually enjoy cloth diapering. Both of us find the smell of disposable diapers and wipes to be unpleasant (I was previously unaware that they had a smell, but they do!) and like it when Ben just smells like himself (not him plus diaper odor). I actually kind of even like laundering them (I know, I'm probably crazy). I honestly don't find them more difficult to use than disposables. Now, I am fully aware this may change when Ben starts eating solids!
3. We cosleep. Yep, sure do...have since he was born. Now this is purely due to my laziness. Ben's room is all the way across the house (not far, really, but still...) and sleep is so precious. By cosleeping I can stay mostly asleep even while feeding him in the middle of the night. I have done extensive research on the pros and cons of cosleeping as well as how to do it safely. Unlike the previous two, I don't necessarily plan to do this with future children. Instead, my intent is to do whatever sleeping arrangement gets all of us the most sleep possible. I'm aware that this one is probably the most controversial of the 3 so far (the first two may draw some "You must be crazy" thoughts, but people get very animated on both sides of the cosleeping debate), but the bottom line is, we do it safely, I feel much more rested than I expected to feel, and since I am the breadwinner in this house and also the only one who can feed Ben, I HAVE to get as much sleep as possible. I am not necessarily a proponent of sharing a bed with a toddler! We intend to get him into his own bed long before that. However, as long as he (physiologically and developmentally speaking) needs to eat multiple times at night, I think he will probably stay in our bed. We are working on getting him to sleep alone for naps and for the first part of the night (this way I can get some time with Josh and I don't go to sleep at 8 PM...though I bet I could!).
4. We baby wear. This one is mostly because I don't like to hear him cry, but it's nice to have hands available sometimes to do things like eating, laundry, playing games with my spouse, etc. I guess you could say it's a matter of laziness too! :-)
5. I breastfeed. This is a combination of "I'm lazy" and "I'm allergic to spending money." Also a knowledge that breastmilk is so ridiculously better for Ben than anything else out there. Plus, my body seems happy to produce an abundance! I am very thankful that we don't have supply problems, and are even able to give some of it to a friend for her adopted preemie son.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that all of these behaviors are done because we are trying to save money, rest as much as possible/be lazy, or because we just feel they are the right parenting decisions for us. I deeply admire the women that I feel to be crunchy mamas...maybe I don't think I am one because I work, and that doesn't fit my picture of a crunchy mama? I also think I don't fully fit the picture because none of these decisions were born of a deep conviction that this decision is best for the environment or the only way to raise our children. Instead, these are our decisions for raising this child, and I feel open to other ideas (with future children, or maybe even with this child as he gets older). Perhaps I'm just weird in that I don't think there is one right way to parent, or even one right way to parent within a family! I fully expect to make separate decisions for each child, and I have no illusions that what is right for us will necessarily work for another family (though I am happy to talk to any of my friends about how these things have worked for us so far as they try to make their decisions!). Maybe I can call myself a lightly toasted mama?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)