Stand firm.

I was reading in Galatians the other day and came across the passage that begins, "Stand firm therefore in the freedom with which Christ has made you free, and do not be entangled once again in the yoke of slavery." It goes on to elaborate, but I found myself caught up in that first part especially. Have you ever had the experience where you read a passage that you've read a billion times before (okay, maybe just several dozen, but you know what I mean) and then you read it again in a whole new way? It's a very odd experience.
You see, I've always read that passage to mean, "Fight really hard to do what is right. Christ did the hard part already, now you need to keep it up." And no doubt, it is an exhortation/encouragement to choose freedom instead of the slavery of sin patterns. But this time when I read it, what struck me was that it also means the freedom He has given us in Him. Our right to stand as His chosen, redeemed ones, who are righteous in His eyes. We don't have to listen when the enemy tells us we are failures, He cannot possibly love us after we failed in that way yet again. The yoke of slavery can be a yoke of the mind as well as our actions...in fact, I think most of our actions flow out of the mindset.
One way this has been evident in my life lately is in the area of my weight. I think I've mentioned this to most of you before, but I lost quite a bit of weight during early pregnancy (about 25 pounds...that's what happens when you can't eat for 3 months!) and was really enjoying a sense of freedom in not constantly thinking about my body, obsessing over what I was eating and how much I was exercising, and not feeling condemnation over how my body looks/looked. At my most recent OB appointment, the scale went the other way for the first time (by 4 pounds...which may or may not even be true weight gain...I was weighed at a different time of day, in different clothes, etc.) and bam! All of my insecurities returned. Weirdly enough, this happened the day after I read that passage. Since then, I have been struggling with the same old mindset. I really miss the peace and rest that came with that freedom.
And yet...it says "stand firm." That implies that we have to fight. We have to choose freedom. We have to listen to our Father, and not to our accuser. And that is a choice. I wish it was always easy and automatic, and I really do pray it becomes that way again for me (hopefully soon!). But until that day, I pray He will draw me closer, and that the process of learning to stand firm instead of pulling the old familiar yoke of slavery over my head will make me fall more deeply in love with Him. Prayers are deeply appreciated, as the mental battle can be exhausting and discouraging. Yet, freedom is there. It has already been bought for me. I just have to learn to walk in it.

Updates/A Little bit of Life

I don't really have a "heavy" or terribly exciting topic to write on right now, so thought I'd share some updates and just catch you guys up on what has been going on in the Stone household lately (you know, besides that we are having a baby boy! Nah, we're not at all still stoked about that...haha).
Work is going well overall. I really like my new coworkers, and the patient load is pretty manageable, especially compared to what I was doing before. One really neat thing about the place where I work is that many of the physicians who refer to us work in the same building, so we can go bug them in clinic or ask them questions, bring up concerns, etc. without having to pass through front desk scrutiny. Also, anyone who has been referred from anywhere in the university system (orthopedics, OB, family practice, etc.) has an electronic file that I have access to...so I can see imaging reports, operative reports, etc. without having to call and request those. I think that helps me give better care to my patients in a more efficient manner. I definitely miss the people at my old job, but this job allows me to have a better balance...and sometimes I even get to sit down during the day, which is helpful with my growing belly.
We found a church! We actually didn't have to visit as many as I/we were afraid we might have to...we found the one that felt like "home" on the third try. The first one was a pretty massive failure...it's a good church and doctrinally sound, but pretty much polar opposite of everything we were looking for stylistically. The first one was okay, but way too big. This one is a really good size, the music is great, the teaching is solid, and they focus on living life together. We are still checking out community groups (small groups...your "church family" within the church). The first one we went to was entirely made up of college and graduate students...not necessarily bad (though I had the eerie/odd experience of feeling very old for the first time!), but I was kind of hoping for one with other moms in it. I feel like I'm going to need support/encouragement, and while it's not required that it come from a community group per se, I think it would be helpful. So we're checking out a slightly older group this week, and then we'll decide. We may still stick with the young group. Thoughts are welcome!
I now definitely do better in maternity clothes. I have a small stash that I hope I can mix and match to get me through the rest of the pregnancy. It will help that the end of my pregnancy will be in the summer, so if I get desperate, I can always just wear giant muumuus (or I guess a dress with a flowy skirt would work too). :-) I have decided that I really like how comfortable maternity clothes are (why don't they make regular clothes this comfortable???), but find some of the pattern and color choices on the fabrics odd. For one thing, apparently everyone thinks that pregnant women want to wear mostly pink. All shades of pink, but...wow. I have no problem with pink (though for myself, I prefer a berry color to true pink), but I certainly don't want to wear it all the time! For another, I have seriously seen some shirts that I don't think should be worn by anyone who is the right age to be pregnant (think super tacky old lady with blue hair kind of shirts). And also, most of them are either super ruffly, super glittery, or have large rhinestones on them. Wow...not exactly my style! But I have found some that I can wear for work and some for casual wear, and without spending too much money (just had to go to multiple stores to find them, which is fine).
Anyway, that's all that is going on here...we really aren't doing a whole lot of exciting things these days. I feel bad for Josh sometimes...his boring wife is usually tired out from working, where he is full of energy and ready to do stuff by the time I get home at the end of the day. I have improved in energy levels over my first trimester, but still get tired relatively easily. That's all for now, folks! :-)

It's a....

We had our 20 week sonogram early this afternoon. I was really excited to get to see the baby...obviously, I know it's in there, because I get kicks (and I have a poochy belly!), but it was still exciting to see it in person. We saw it once, early in the pregnancy (10 weeks), but not much was really that visible. We were really hoping to find out gender, but I reminded myself before we went that it was possible that the little guy or gal wouldn't cooperate.

As it turns out, I needn't have prepared myself...our little one was quite happy to spread his legs for us...multiple times, even when the tech was looking for other things! That's right, our firstborn will be a son! He looks very healthy...4 chambers in his heart, "nice fat umbilical cord", a liver with bloodflow to and from, a brain, kidneys, the whole nine yards. Apparently, all the measurements look great and are right on schedule with his gestational age, and he weighs 14 ounces. The comment that "he sure does like to move around a lot!" didn't really surprise either of us. The tech also noted, "Well, I'm sure you can feel that on your bladder, because he's kicking against it right now." Yep, thanks kiddo...I've been well aware that he likes to kick my bladder for quite some time now. We were able to see his face, and apparently he thinks himself some type of gymnast, because he spent a fair amount of time twisted around, which made it hard for the tech to find some of the things she was trying to measure. He also jacknifed himself in half once and held both feet with his hands. I probably shouldn't think that's cute, but I kinda do. :-)

His name is Beniah James Stone. We will probably call him Ben. Beniah was the name of the captain of David's guard in the Old Testament...according to my husband, "one cool guy." The characteristics he/we want to emphasize from that character are that he was loyal, he was a strong, good man, and he did the right thing even when it wasn't politically a popular move. James is my father's name, and we thought it went well with "Beniah" and that "Beniah James" sounded like a strong, solid name...the kind of man we hope our son will one day be. The epistle named after/written by James also talks a lot about integrity and doing the right thing regardless of its popularity at the time. So sounds like we want our son to be a man of integrity!!

The sono was really neat...the tech did a great job of explaining to us what she was looking at, and it was particularly interesting for me because I like anatomy and know a fair amount about it. I would love to upload pictures for you guys, but am not sure how to do it. Suggestions welcome...what's the best way to turn those little printouts into computer images? I'd really like to do that anyway, just to have a backup copy.

Thanks for sharing our excitement with us! We are excited about our little BOY!!!

A few of my favorite things...

 These are the flowers that my awesome husband gave me for my birthday. Aren't they pretty? He did the arrangement himself, too. :-)

 And here is the orchid that my coworkers gave me. As you can see, I haven't managed to kill it yet...hopefully it stays alive and happy! Any tips are more than welcome!

 Here you can see our new bookshelf with our fish tank perched atop it. We used to have a fish tank when we first got married and loved it, but we got rid of it because we were moving too much (fish don't like to be moved, even just across town). Now that we are "here to stay" we have reinstated the fish! I really like having a fish tank because it's fun to pick out the fish, and also because it's kind of mesmerizing and relaxing to just stare at them (like a living screen saver!). Yeah, kinda dorky, but hey. Don't knock it till you try it. We currently just have 4 zebra danios, one algae eater, 1 betta, and 1 gourami because the tank is still cycling, but I'm excited about adding more soon! We do have a few too many books/DVDs for our bookshelf, but that's okay. This is in our living room.

 My "nest" on our couch. :-) The oddly piled pillows are because it's not comfortable any more for me to sit on a deep couch without some funky back support. The Bible is on the top because I was kind of half sitting-half lying down at 6 this morning when I had my sanity time. :-) And the computer...well, although I don't do nearly as much work from home as I used to (hooray!) I DO study for the OCS exam on the computer (taking that in just a few weeks...yikes!) and I am too lazy to move it every time I'm done. The weird Wii control is all Josh. Don't ask me.

 This is our guest room/craft room. Or it will be a craft room someday when/if I set it up and start doing crafts again. I like it a lot though, because of the textured walls that Josh did. I think they look really nice, and I also like the colors that we chose in this room. There are diplomas all over the bed because I'm not sure what to do with them...in Austin, they hung up at work, but here we only hang up licenses, not diplomas. They will probably end up in a box or on a shelf at some point.

 Here is the baby room! The walls are teal with one chocolate brown wall, and that's kind of the general color scheme we are going with. It's gender neutral (I do NOT want to have to repaint the nursery if a future sibling is a different gender!) and the colors go together well. We don't have much in this room yet, but you can see our little stash of baby stuff piled on the rocking chair.

 Here is my classic Pooh swing! We got it at a sale called Just Between Friends (it's a consignment sale that happens on weekends in lots of different places in America) for only $40. I checked, and this swing costs almost $150 new. It looks to be in really good condition, it works, and it's super cute besides! (and also gender neutral...I do not want to buy new equipment for different gender babies either!) There will be another sale in Columbia in April, and so that will be fun to go to...we'll know gender by then, so we can buy clothes (they had tons of super cute clothes for $1-$3 per outfit) and maybe some more of the big stuff (though I'm planning to be as minimalist with that as possible...but I am going to need a crib at the very least). I'm also hoping if I get there super early, I might be able to pick up some cloth diapers.

 This is our eating area. My poor, sad table still counts as one of my favorite things, but it has no legs (they were broken in the move). :-( Just buying a new set of legs is very expensive ($400 is the cheapest I've found) so for now, it sits forlorn against the wall. And although the moving company is supposed to compensate us for breaking our table, they have up to 150 days to process our claim, and even if they find in our favor, they are probably only going to give us around $50 for it. Oh well...we will see. I'm hoping to maybe find someone local who can make legs for us for less than it would cost to order them premade. This room also has the texturing on the wall, and it is really cool! Josh is so talented...and patient! My texturing rarely turns out this well because I get in a hurry and start being sloppy.

 Here is the view from our kitchen. I love this about our house...the kitchen is wide open to both the eating area and the living room, so you feel like you are "together" and can interact even if you are actually in different rooms. When we have friends (don't laugh, it will happen!) we will be able to have them over and all hang out even if some of us are cooking, which is so much nicer than being confined in separate areas or having to stuff 10 people into the kitchen so you don't feel like you are missing out! Sorry for the dishes in the sink...I keep forgetting to take pictures, so figured I should do it while I'm thinking about it!

I don't know if you can really tell from this picture, but look up at the ceiling. See the glow? That's because there are little lights installed around the perimeter of the higher part of the ceiling. The camera flash kinda took away the effect (plus I took this picture in the daytime), but trust me, it's really cool. I especially like it at night-there is just enough light for it to be cozy and so you could talk or just relax, and it is very soft. Definitely not enough to read by, but sometimes that's not the point. I also love that my walls are purple. :-) We have curtains that I hope we will be able to hang up soon, and that will complete the look.

A really sweet birthday :-)

So, a little background should probably occur here first...
Background 1: Today is my birthday (haha...a valuable piece of information for understanding this post!!).
Background 2: When I was growing up, we used birthdays as a chance to really celebrate that person-so they were pretty special. The person whose birthday it was (don't kill me, grammar police!) would pick everything from what meals they wanted that day, to type of cake, party, etc.
Background 3: Josh doesn't like his birthday. Josh doesn't usually keep track of dates. Therefore, we have never celebrated my birthday as a couple. Because I lived far from my family, I didn't celebrate with them either-so it's been something along the lines of 5 years since I've celebrated my birthday.
Background 4: Background 3 is something I have unsuccessfully struggled with for years,doing my best to not care, then when that didn't work, to pretend like I didn't care, then when that didn't work, breaking down into tears at some point along the way.
Okay, now for the post:
So this year, I think for the first time, I really would have been mostly okay with a muted celebration. I'm not really sure why....maybe I'm tired from all the activity of the last few months, maybe I'm fooling myself in thinking that I would have been okay, or maybe my mind is preoccupied with my little kicker, and so I am becoming a tiny bit less selfish? Either way, I wasn't expecting much this year and wasn't spending/wasting energy worrying about it either.
I was at work today (doing paperwork..ick!) and my Dad walked by the office (my dad works in the same building as I do, even though I don't see him that much because we work in different areas). He paused to give me a hug and say happy birthday, which set off a chorus of "I didn't know it was your birthday!"s from my coworkers (this was during lunch). I was pretty embarrassed and stumbled out something along the lines of "Oh, well...yep, it is!" (I mean, what should I have done? If you telegraph around the office that its' your birthday it's basically like asking people to do something special...not exactly my style) Anyway, they all said happy birthday, I said thank you (quite red faced I'm sure!), and then we went on to the afternoon.
Well, midway through the afternoon, the administrative assistants came back to my desk with huge armloads of stuff. They gave me a happy birthday balloon, a beautiful purple orchid (I hope I can keep it alive!!), a dozen chocolate cupcakes, a big container of blueberries and another of blackberries (they have noticed apparently that I eat a LOT of fruit...mostly because it never makes me sick!), and some warm fun colored socks! It made me feel really loved and appreciated and was very sweet of them (the gifts were from the department as a whole, but it was awfully nice of the AA's to go out in the 40 degree rain to get them!).
And THEN I got home and my husband was/is in the middle of cooking an elaborate (and delicious looking/smelling!) dinner, he had bought me gorgeous flowers, written me the sweetest letter I've ever gotten for my birthday, bought me ice cream, and proceeded to inform me that there was also a present for me! Yep, friends, he really went above and beyond this year. I am relaxing like a queen on the couch and he's doing all the work...isn't that sweet? And the baby is kicking, which probably doesn't sound like it should be sweet, but it is. :-)
I also had birthday cards from my grandmother and aunt waiting, and an email from my mother informing me that we are going to do a family celebration on Sunday after church. This is definitely the best birthday I've had in quite some time! I feel very special and loved today. There have been several things that have made me feel really loved lately, and it has been so nice. :-) I hope that all of this helps me learn to trust God more, rest in His love (because I am always this deeply loved and more by Him!), and allow others to love me without feeling guilty or trying to push it away.